so i went and saw three movies in the past three days

twilight: pretty, and pretty damn similar to the book. i was pleased. bella was understated, but i liked her. i mean, come on guys, bella doesn't have much of a personality to begin with, it grows as the books progress. also i realized that none of the other six people in the theatre were fangirls because no one shared my one laugh, at edward's line (obviously in reference to jacob, SPOILER ALERT) about throwing bella to the wolves. obviously rob pattinson was super hot but i thought both jasper and alice were hotter. that's one vampire sandwich i'd love to be the meat in.

the spirit: it was visually arresting but the rest of it found me leaving to go to the bathroom like five times. there are like two plot points, the characters are one dimensional, and scarlett johannson was fucking terrible. and i usually like her.

the curious case of benjamin button: this movie started at 4:25 and i had to leave it at 7 to get to work. i didn't want to because i really liked it, but the damn framing plot with old cate blanchett about to die just reeked of lame. there's some storm coming and her daughter is reading her benjamin's journal or something (as per usual i was about five minutes late) and i just didn't care. after benjamin left the story i bounced (like i said i had to, i don't like missing the end of movies). not like i don't love cate blanchett and she was spectacular in this (i think she's the best actress of her generation. i'd put tilda swinton soon behind and she was a great surprise in this film as well) but it just seemed super out of place. but maybe i missed the establishing shots of it that might have made it seem a better frame for this great story. david fincher, who is great at creepy and weird (se7en, fight club), made a beautiful, touching, longass film that, what else, makes me wish i'd find my next great love.

anyway that's that, the other movies/shows i watched this week were a night at the opera (hilarious, marx brothers classic), raising arizona (superb, coen brothers classic) , three seasons of law and order:svu (i eventually had a dream that i was boning chris meloni and then i had to find him because he disappeared. when i realized that my svu related dreams weren't nightmares, i realized i'd watched too much), metalocalypse season 2 (fucking hilarious obviously), and the first season of twin peaks (i think i already established that i love this. i can't watch it too late at night though after kyle maclachlan's dream with the midget talking backwards in the red room. david lynch throws that fucking midget in everything he does and he terrifies me every time.)

ok now i have to poop

from morgan's wall

me: NOW hot topic is carrying a harry potter scarf. and i just saw the half-blood prince commercial and it becomes abundantly clear to me that i do not remember the plot of that book whatsoever. when the hell did it come out?i know i read it, because i know who the hbp is, but still...

ilena: it came out the summer before we went to college

me: ok that means i read it at boarding school so there's no way i was high or anything. i totally remember the ending because when i lent the book to the next kid on the list (we only had like three copies among the whole school) i said "get ready to have your heart ripped out!" and ran away crying (keep in mind everyone cried all the time at carlbrook). that's a lot to recall about a book whose plot has entirely escaped me.

chelsea and i are bitches

o my god! chelsea handler and i were both teased in school by kids barking at us and calling us a dog
i love her. yay.

twin peaks

twin peaks is happening to me right now
it is exquisite
every shot, every change in the music, every person, every line
i'm just entranced and i can't believe i waited so long
i've been waiting for kyle maclachlan, and he did not disappoint, his entry scene, with the noir-y detective music, with voiceover, driving into town, ahhhhh ok i need to stop typing so i can watch

malia!

if you're like my friends and myself, on election night you logically traveled from yelling "yay obama!" to "i love you little jill biden!" to "maliaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"After a visit to the White House, Malia told her dad that she planned to do her homework at the desk in the Lincoln bedroom because “I’m thinking that will inspire big thoughts”."
-perez hilton today

awwww i love the obamas. they're just swell. and malia is the breakout star of a generation. this little bitch is going to be ruling the world you just wait and see.

ok, my adorable and sweet little niece has been playing with the american girl felicity doll i passed down to her and i'm sad to miss it.
my adorable and sweet little dog shat on my floor today. not while i was out at work, but after i walked him after work. at 12:45 am. god dammit. i realize dogs do this shit but what the fuck he's been peeing inside and maybe it's my fault because the walks have been short because it's fucking freezing, but i am a little more willing to snip him day after tomorrow after this bullshit. pun intended. now i'm going to give him a hug because i've calmed down. he looks all penitent, his ears are flat and he's being a pie. o i just can't help spoiling him he's so cute. he just accidentally knocked down half my blinky lights so he ran back in my room to hide. o well.
by the way, toby the dog (from the stanley steemer commercial where he drags his ass on the ground) is about to win hot slut of the month on dlisted. if you haven't voted for this truly amazing dogperson, DO IT!
anyway i started writing poems on napkins at work. maybe when i start drinking again i'll post a couple. my fave is the one about how poetry blows nuts. anyway time for the daily show and my bong and i to have a special moment.