big gay crush of the day AND OTHER SHIT

my big gay crush of the day is the hot piece who plays "silver" on the new 90210. her eyes are hypnotizing me. i could never have a crush on shenae because she is my darceadoo on degrassi and she's a hot MESS! i'm glad of her success, but jessica stroup is the important one. i like the drug addict popular girl with the bangs, but jessica is the one i want to love me longtime!

UPDATE: she is also on the beginning of trueblood, the AMAZING new vampire show from hbo. morgan and i watched the first episode. i love anna paquin, her saucy black friend, her murderous brother, her pice old granny, and of course the dead sexy vamp! A+ motherfuckers!
and yeah, HBO is back, with new episodes of my favorite piece of self-indulgent liberal crap, REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER! YES!

MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY

cloris leachman!

she was fucking hilarious on the comedy central roast of bob saget tonight, and also the butt of such fabulous jokes about her age as "shakespeare did her in the park!" (my personal favorite of the whole evening)

some things i knew:

she's fucking hilarious as frau blucher in young frankenstein, when horses neigh every time her name is uttered, and asks gene wilder if he'd like some "varm milk?"

she's done a lot of shit and won an oscar

some things i didn't know:

she was on mary tyler moore

she's won more emmys than any other actress

she was in butch cassidy and the sundance kid

she's 82!

damn, girl looks better than my 67 year old stepdad!

wayyyy better
but i suppose i'm biased because i don't like my stepdad and i fucking love cloris

anyway, i'd hit it, her vag is practically legendary.

also i went to see the dark knight in imax tonight

and I RODE ON A MOTORCYCLE FOR THE FIRST TIME!

on the way to the theatre i was terrified

but on the way back i got into it and felt like a badass

the movie is just as good the second time, being in the second row didn't change that

imax rules!

ROBERT DOWNEY JR IS MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE WEEK

ok anyone who has ever met me probably knows that my biggest love on the silver screen is

ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

i was first introduced to his "ness" (my word for essence) in my favorite film of all time (all together now:)

NATURAL BORN KILLERS.

i own three copies of this film, because one time i lost one, and the first version i bought was not the directors cut, which has tommy lee jones' head on a stake outside the prison, and woody harrelson raping the hostage that it's implied he rapes in the r-rated film.

the worst mistake of my life?

that i bought the r-rated version of terror firmer

the first thing that happens in this, my second favorite film, is that some sleazy dude says to the transsexual serial killer "mmm just the kind of king size pussy that i like!" and the bitch tears off his leg as he cries "hey that's my leg!"

in the r-rated version, "pussy" is bleeped, and there is a huge box that says "censored" over the severance of the leg

the rest of the film continues with the director, lloyd kaufman, commenting in the corner

it's safe to say i only last about five minutes with this
I NEED THE X-RATED VERSION!

ok sorry too much vodka to focus on my objective with this post, which is to discuss RDJ, also known as "wayne gale!"

he apparently thought up the idea of that character, host of the sensationalistic show "american psychos" in NBK, would be australian. it makes him very funny, and very sexy, especially as he becomes a willing accomplice in mickey and mallory's murders to escape from prison in the second act of this flawless film.

apparently he was nominated for an oscar for his portrayal of charlie chaplin in the eponymous film

he also charmed my pants off as a fucking crazy druggie in a scanner darkly, which features the coolest animation of any film i've ever seen

by the way, who the fuck borrowed waking life from me? i forgot!

uh oh RDJ back on tv intermission

ooo jay baruchel

o shit justin theroux worked on tropic thunder, as co-writer/producer! that's fucking awesome. he is most famous with me (phrase courtesy of my old southern paw) for being in mulholland drive, david lynch's lesbian mindfuck, as the cuckolded director

anyway i like jay baruchel, he's such a cute jewish hippiepunk stoner.

but RDJ!

he did lots of drugs and that's obviously hot

he's sober now and working hard, which would be less hot if he was
i still need to see iron man, but i won't miss his ass in tropic thunder, that's for sure

I LOVE YOU FOREVER ROBERT DOWNEY JUNIOR! YOU ARE MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE WEEK!

(PIC LOVINGLY STOLEN FROM WIKIPEDIA)

MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY

nastia liukin!

she is currently in second place in the all-around women's gymnastics final, and she's got hips and boobs under her shiny pink leotard!

she also has that undeniably ugly yet oh so attractive hipster-bump with her bangs (i mean so does sean johnson but she's one stocky little thing)

o wow these gals just won first and second place, nastia in first obviously, only gold caliber bitches for me

fuck that, platinum!

her performance in the final floor challenge was beautiful, i pity anyone

anyway she just sent out her first text message from china, apparently, clearly to me

her parents were Soviet champion gymnasts so she's the product of eugenics

we can roleplay wwII scenarios in the bedroom

these posts are just getting worse and worse aren't they

anyway, anastasia liukin, you can text me anytime, because you're MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY!

MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY

"i'll hide the afikomen in a very special spot"
chelsea handler!
i fucking love this jersey jew
she should get an hourlong show for sho.
"she was a ho. for sho."
best line from forty year old virgin
am i drunken?
yes! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

(pic lovingly stolen from e!'s website)

BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY

WANDA SYKES!
"i hate all that damn driving, it interferes with my drinking!" she just said on the standup special i'm enjoying on comedy central
i have loved her forever, basically since crank yankers. i have to find the clip.
found it!

she's fucking hilarious on curb your enthusiasm, where she seems to constantly be around when larry david awkwardly interacts with black characters
she's elaine's best friend on the new adventures of old christineand she does the funniest female standup i have ever seen
wanda sykes, please bone me.
you are my BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY!

my big gay crush of the day

is stephen colbert! i love him so

my plan is get famous and go on his show and ask him for a kiss

i like him too much to mess up his marriage, but a kiss would just be great

he's hilarious and just such a perfect character actor

i'd love to see him in more films

check him out in strangers with candy, starring alongside the exquisitely funny amy sedaris

tonight stephen colbert looks at medical marijuana, delving

"into this seedy, stemmy underworld to find the blunt truth. they filed this report, after eating a bag of cheetos and watching princess mononoke"

it was entertaining.
supposedly maryland has legalized medicinal marijuana?
morgan! pretend to be sick!

my big gay crush of the day!

rita moreno!
she is currently gracing my screen as a woman's rights activist on law and order svu, and i shrieked when i saw her
she is sister mary pete on oz, my favorite show
some stuff i just learned about her too:
"She is the first female and only Puerto Rican performer to have won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar and a Tony."
she was the voice of carmen sandiego on the old show, which i used to think i could pwn
and she was in singin' in the rain!
some things i did know: she won her oscar for playing anita in west side story, one of the roles i covet above all others
she played the thai character of tuptim in the king and i, a movie almost entirely devoid of actual asian actors
o shit alfred molina is in this episode! it's like a big gay latino orgy on my screen and it makes me soooo happy. o and his lawyer is the douchey fiance from wedding crashers. they really go all out with their guest stars on this show. o my god angela lansbury? this is just getting silly.
another totally crazy thing just happened, a cool kid i didn't hook up with last night called my friend for my number, even though i kept quoting along with the movie when we watched knocked up. i think that's the movie i've seen most frequently since it's come out. i don't even think i have a greater ratio of times viewed since it came out with natural born killers, which i watch almost weekly. i am notorious for quoting along with movies when i get drunk, because as an actor i memorize lines stupidly easily.
anyway rita rita rita i love you so. she's 76 and i'd still hit it, she's a fucking legend and i'd hope some of her talent rubs off on me.

(images and some facts lovingly stolen from wikipedia)

p.s. i had to add that fucking alvarez from oz is also apparently on law and order svu. are you kidding me?

my big gay crush of the day

in the spirit of michael k, my favorite gossip blogger, introducing MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY. the first (or second if you count the lovely kenley from project runway):
emma stone! the girl who kissed the fat kid in superbad, she's also in the house bunny, and the rocker, both of which i'm embarassed to say i'm looking forward to. she has a quirky look and a sexy little speech impediment and i want to make her my girlfriend.
(image stolen from imdb with printscreen!)