Saturday, October 25, 2008

lots of latenight shit

ok well obviously this was high-larious.
man, don't tell the friend who grew it, but the homegrown shit i just bought is just not that good.
the nameless fella is rather full of himself, in a lovely way (he is like my best friend), and so he thinks his stuff is much better than it is. i wish i knew more normal drug dealers. being friends with them is nice, but also soooo annoying.
anyway, the funny shit is the thursday night snl they've created. will ferrell as bush (god i hope he stops making the movies he's making) and tina fey as palin
haha i like the boondocks.
nigga moments, this is priceless. the best real life example i have is when that guy touched morgan's ass at that party and morgan freaked out "my cousins are big and black and they will kick your ass if you ever touch me again!". the guy told us to leave and i was like dragging her out. it was fucking hilarious.
o my god, guys i try to tell to go away try and get my number even harder! this is the new rule: you can give me your number, i won't give you mine. this kid invited me to smoke with him tomorrow and he was nice and not creepy so i think i'll do that (i have no shame when it comes to getting smoked out for free)
hmm, i wonder what i could get away with saying on this blog considering that no one reads it.
well... I NEED TO GET LAID! but i'm over compromising my integrity to do it.
ooo real time with bill maher!
"the liberals have always liked him, and the conservatives like the idea of having a black man clean up their mess"
ooo this entry has so much about race!
i think what can be gleaned is that i love black women... and obama.
and oliver stone!
btdubs have you bitches watched amy poehler's palin rap yet??? YOU BETTER!
man i made a KILLING on tips tonight
o my god why do the conservative guests even come on real time with bill maher?
anyway new thing, my new favorite "vote no on prop 8" commercial, with itzak perlman, talking about one of his children, who is a gay woman, and the whole family would obviously like her union with her wife to be recognized by the state. check it out

the night we saved babycakes

are you ready for this shit?
well i just got off work at juliet's, it's 3:43 am
we smelled gas (or those of us who could smell smelled it), and the people from the county came out and stayed for like two hours while sofia and i chatted and listened to the "rat pack" satellite radio station
a couple of our pilot lights are out on the stove, it's ok
but! BABYCAKES WAS FULL OF GAS!
WE SAVED ITS LIFE!
ok i guess that's all i had to say.
come see me there tomorrow night bitches

Thursday, October 23, 2008

WATCH THE NEW WATCHMEN TRAILER


fuck yes! there isn't much more, and i heard a nasty rumor that snyder has changed the ending of my pet adaptation... but oh well it's the WATCHMEN MOVIE WHO CARES.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

dean koontz and the new bong fund

ok dean koontz just did a creepy monotone commercial with a dog, (i initially typed god heehee) about how his new book is about the relationship between man and doggie. i HATE this new crap about there being commercials for books. ok i'm going to work out a budget that allows all my income from juliet's (a very fun job except for the creepy dudes who try to ask me out. why can't it be the cute ones?) to go to the new bong fund. by the way, only a roor will do. and it'll be roor number three (shhhh), and three is my lucky number so hopefully our love will last a lifetime. my allowance will need to go to paying back a couple of folks and the essential three b's (booze, bud and... we'll just say bread), but other than that, NEW BONG FUND HERE WE COME!

i'll accept donations, by the way. it's for a good cause.
hmm actually i thought the new roor would be over $200 but it seems it's only going to be like $120 this may be doable tomorrow, or at least after i get paid on friday. let me figure this shit out hold on.
UPDATE: if i hadn't gotten the ten dollar pasta with meat sauce at work (which i obviously left there like a dumbass) then i would have enough. I'll have to wait til friday or til morgan pays me back. meh.

heroing

i just talked about the longevity of my bong earlier tonight without knocking on wood, citing my carpet as the reason
i just reached for my water glass and knocked the bong upside down against the table and futon
the same part as the last roor broke
it broke a little piece of my heart
the pieces of my heart group started my awareness, but things that happen to you and that you do really do take away a piece of you
i will never be as full as i once was
i have been assaultingly nostalgic for a certain time in my life
blogging high and late is never a good idea.
i will leave you with something relevant to what this blog is supposed to be
i had a dream last night that i was a HERO! the problem is when i can do cool things in dreams they only work part of the time. my power was that i could fuck with machines. not like micah sanders, he can talk to machines, but i could fuck them up, like make them not work, by making a fist really hard and fast and focusing
i was also pursuing stephen colbert, who had been my high school teacher, and i wanted to bone him, clearly
it was interesting.

my new favorite thing ever!

i would take this record to bed and sleep with it.
haven't you heard? THE BIRD IS THE WORD!
(this is a song featured on a great new family guy episode as peter's favorite song. it's actually amazing)

Sunday, October 19, 2008

truth.


yes. the most amazing thing ever done on snl. poehler does the palin rap while palin grooves along.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

the most interesting show ever

there's a tv show on right now (it doesn't matter because it's two and a half men time and that is a sacred covenant between me and my bong) but this show is called... get ready for this:
THINGS REMOVED FROM BODY
!!!
this is on tlc, and the description of this show, which apparently is something more than a one shot, is: "Bikers impaled; woman speared by marlin."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
wow!
now i'm going to keep downloading the newest heroes. and apparently there are two episodes in the first season i never saw! o joy, o bliss!
i introduced sam to the show, and he loved it, especially, as i predicted, the illustrious hiro nakamura!

more coming later

Thursday, October 9, 2008

fuck you all

ok press gave my part away to someone who, for the purposes of this blog being public to everyone, is fat, ugly, and has a lisp. HAVE FUN WEARING MY SKINTIGHT CATSUIT BITCH! the plan right now is to make her so uncomfortable about taking my part that she'll just back out. who am i kidding, i'm just going to drink enough to try to bone nathan explosion through my tv screen

and try to remind myself that i'm still in the play, and i can still pass my other class. i will get a job at juliet's and things won't totally suck. right?

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

booth!

this is the funniest post iwatchstuff has ever written, his ideas for the new showtime series about john wilkes booth and his brothers starring kevin bacon.

more presidential paris

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

this is pretty fucking good. it also made me happy because i was watching two and a half men and when charlie showed up at paris' party i had twice the fun of the least talented sheen.

late

a couple hilarious things i learned on slog:
the la president of NOW endorses palin because they are fellow athletes
the ceo of lehman brothers was punched out in the company gym after the company utterly bombed out this week
the sun has been just declared to NOT BE a perfect sphere. duh dumbasses this is real life we're talking about
damn i'm seeing julia louis-dreyfuss on conan, she looks fucking great. i want to be as funny as her and keep my looks as well as she has. plus her show also stars her along wanda sykes
k now i'm watching sesame street. it really is educational for kids with enough jokes for adults. there's a sisyphus bug that pushes a rock up a hill among other things

anyway i've been having the best dreams lately, making waking up difficult. they're pretty fantastical. i'm going to indulge now

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

being affectionately disrespectful to the memory of my first love

so i was like "when's the second anniversary of patrick's death?" today when i was walking back from the grocery store with my $4 joesixpack and two granny smith apples (i know how to live well on a budget), listening to katy perry's song "ur so gay".
duh it was like two weeks ago, when i was in virginia. i should have gone to his grave but i just didn't think about it because i'm a fucking flake who drove by the cemetery and blew him a kiss at least once a day (the street happens to be a shortcut to my house) until i wrecked my delilah again (my car's name). so before i post the lyrics to this song, rest in peace patrick i miss you every day.

(btw the inverted pentagram made out of the "o" in gibbon wasn't done by me, and to those who did it, touche)
now onto the rude part, which is that i listened to this song and of course it describes every douchebag at vassar, but it's also the kind of song that when p was alive i would have been like "p this is your song!" and he would have gotten all pissed about it. aw now i miss him more. yes it's also offensive that it refers to the way he died, but if you're reading this then it's pretty much certain that i know him better than you and it's my fucking prerogative. i could really go on and on but this is my entertainment blog and not a livejournal so i won't. so here you go, the lyrics, and a link to the song itself:

I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…

You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused
That nobody understands you
I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head
I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead
I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more makeup than…

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…

You walk around like you’re oh so debonair
You pull ‘em down and there’s really nothing there
I wish you would just be real with me

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
Oh no no no no no no no
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like… PENIS

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

CONSUMED BY HEROES


sorry i haven't been blogging much, i've been watching the whole first season of heroes, and number two is on the way. it's the best thing i've ever seen and i'm in love with peter petrelli (milo ventimiglia, who is beautiful and and has the all important lanky dark hair and sideways smile). i need to return to it now bye.