don't ya wonder

a question from marco:
"do you think convicted murderers, after they do their time and they're back on the outside, get mailings specifically for people who've killed people?"

food for thought.

dreams

so i slept for forever last night and had the craziest dreams
i was staying in my house from growing up, which had the same front door as my house now. i'm pretty sure i was hanging out with natalie and becky. i had three dogs, a yorkie, a scottie and hiro. there was a white doggy that i also ended up taking in. i started getting phone calls from stephen colbert because he had decided he was in love with me, but then i found out that it was part of a nationwide prank, somehow he'd done the same thing with hundreds of people. there was a huge war going on in the snow, maybe it had a little to do with reading twilight (finished it today. it grew on me and i'm going to start new moon tonight), and i was helping to hide people, send them out to fight, and to ready the dogs. of course this took place at the resort hotel i keep staying at in my dreams. my little sister gave me yay so good that i could barely walk. there was some element of travel over water, and my car not working well as i headed to new york city, the site of the apocalypse. i may have superpowers. but i have no power to resist world of warcraft comercials. anyway tonight i watched the new heroes and maybe got my friends into it? then we all just read our various twilight books together, it was very fun. now it's time for metalocalypse!

forgetting sarah marshall, tropic thunder on dvd, and potential cheeky theft!

forgetting sarah marshall was great. charming charming charming, and i hate romantic comedies, but it was more than that, without the requisite cheese at the usual end of a judd apatow film. it made me... miss being in love. like usual. alone at 3 am with a movie and a bong and a beer. even hiro is in the other room, he's had it with this mess. now it's time for the newest addition to my dvd collection: TROPIC THUNDER 2-DISC EXTENDED DIRECTOR'S CUT! did i pay the $35 dollars for this, the dvd release i've been most excited about this year, or did i instead get shut out of best buy by four minutes (the christian assholes who run this country basically want no one to purchase shit on the holy night. i'm a jew i got money to burn let me do with it what i want!/i actually don't have money to burn i made 2 dollars and 50 cents in tips on saturday night but sometimes damn a girl just wants to buy a dvd), and then, leaving my very adorable little dog to await my return in the car, wait for fucking fifteen minutes at the dvd/cd counter of barnes and noble, glaring at the employees, trying to leave the section to purchase the dvd at the normal counter, setting off the little alarm, so staying in the dvd/cd section, waiting, and then removing the plastic packaging with the alarm thingy on it, looking the surveillance camera in the eye, shrugging, and walking out of the store with the dvd in my hand. i may have performed the long series of actions i just outlined, or i may have paid the exorbitant fee of $35 dollars for my prize. it's up to you to decide. while you decide just how responsible or addicted to theft i may be, hiro and i are firing up the old dvd player to showcase that 2008 masterpiece, TROPIC THUNDER!

addendum: damn i forgot how fucking hilarious the fake previews at the beginning of this movie are. this is a freaking comedic masterpiece. i can't wait to see all the best characters, including the whacked out tom cruise in the role of a lifetime, les grossman.

freezin for a reason.

"you'll be freezin for a reason!"
ok there was just a commercial for hundreds of better people than me (slash dumbasses) who are taking a polar bear dip in the hudson to raise money for special olympics.
they are going to risk hypothermia for the special olympics.
there is nothing else to say.

watching iron man on demand

so yeah, iron man fucking ruled!
you of course know of my immense love of robert downey jr, and the movie was fun, inspired, and well done aesthetically, technically, and the performances were engaging. of course it was formulaic, it's a comic book movie. i'm about to go out and buy tropic thunder and have myself a little rdj filmfest perhaps. i hope the avengers teaser is part of it... and yes it was. samuel l. jackson as nick fury was fierrrrrrce. it made me almost as happy as seeing rdj at the end of the hulk, even though i made everyone wait for the avengers teaser after that and it didn't happen. i need to actually read the avengers now, haha.
ok nevermind, the seven samurai is free on demand, tropic thunder can wait for another day.
i started twilight yesterday, and it is lovely gothic crap. i wish it was written by caitlin r. kiernan or poppy z brite though, it's much too chaste and not well written, but it's still fun. and the goth kids v. vampires south park made my life last night. the goth kids have long been my favorite characters (besides ike), and all the faux goth rock songs were fucking hilarious, i'll find a clip at some point and link it here.
a week til my birthday!

by the way

this is hiro nakamura! he is an old man who likes to sleep, pee on tires, hobble along, and curl up on black sheets or blankets.
he is my love and he is all the man i need right now.

i hate grown men.

new rule:
if you are an adult and get the kiss off from someone half your age, have the respect for yourself not to act like a little baby

if you are trying to bone someone, telling them they have "medication bloat" is not the best path to their loins

if you call me and i don't call or text you back, leave me the fuck alone! trying different tactics in different texts is only sure to PISS ME THE FUCK OFF

and most importantly: just because you think i'm special doesn't mean i give a shit about you!

so guys, listen up, i think i'm forsaking you for the time being. working as a waitress gets me sexually harassed enough that i take care of myself before i go to work, i'm so turned off by bedtime. now tell me where i find the pretty lesbians!

dan savage on colbert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i literally screamed.

i'm all alone and i just cracked myself up remembering on south park when the liberals in the town give the boys signs, and they read them outloud. cartman says "bush is a nayzy". (mispronouncing nazi). it is soooo fucking funny

heeeeerrooooeeesss
i love heroes.
hiro nakamura is taking a spirit walk a year back in time, and it's pretty good. i want to see something that shocks me though. lots of eclipse imagery, which is pretty cool. also at the beginning of the show it didn't even say "heroes" across the eclipse, it says VILLAINS! i love some good villains, but i also love all the central characters, so i have this existential dilemma in enjoying when the plot twists for the worse for people like peter, hiro, suresh, claire, and now sylar
o my god!!! the elle and sylar romance is breaking my fucking heart. i love my sylar so.
and... IF ARTHUR PETRELLI KILLS HIRO NAKAMURA I WILL STOP WATCHING.
well maybe for like a week... and where was parkman? heroes without parkman is almost like two and a half men without jake... or rose!

nice pice puppies and sweeney todd

it's saturday, and it's movie day for me.
i just watched mommie dearest, which was splendid. faye dunaway, possibly my favorite actress besides kate hepburn and madeline kahn, was just breathtaking. i think joan crawford had borderline personality disorder too, i can relate to the nighttime freak outs.
now i'm watching sweeney todd, obviously a joy to sing along to at home rather than being scared to at the theatre. what an inspired and total vision. that's what always charms me about tim burton films, the totality of his vision and the world he creates for the film and characters to exist in. depp and bonham carter always excel at whatever role they're put in, and work magically together. alan rickman's performance in nigh perfect, and sacha baron cohen's cameo is hilarious and wonderful. i could have dealt with better voices, but the performances of the leads were good enough and the singing fine enough to make it work.
finally, i am getting a dog this week! these are the adorable doggies coming to visit me on tuesday:
dipper and reece, the sweet little twins (the boy used to be in a doggie wheelchair but now is ok without stairs)and freddie!
which ones will i fall for? we shall see!

doggie!

i am getting a doggie!
what should i name him/her?
i'm thinking either toby or god.
what do YOU think?
my mommy and i are picking the doggie up next week
i more than have earned the doggie coming home with me next week

vote for lando

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

finally, a candidate we can all get behind,
LANDO CALRISSIAN VS. EMPEROR PALPATINE.
comedy gold, enjoy
and VOTE, SLORES!

i'm kinda drunk alone at home watching natural born killers. it is my favorite movie, which should be clear to any person who has ever met me, but man it makes me wish i was in love. i tell a million people a day "i'm not dating anyone but i don't want to, i'm just hanging out with my friends". it's absolutely true, but sometimes i just am ready for my next big love affair. i'll probably delete this entry in the sobriety of monday but whatever. anyway halloween was super fun. i began the night as joe jonas, complete with tamborine, but soon morphed into the costume me wanted, harry potter!

hey i just thought about the fact that natural born killers is my favorite romantic comedy (hAHAHAH!) but even though i adore the romance at the heart of the story, it was also the movie that made me realize i was obsessed with robert downey jr. life is soooo mysterious!
by the way, i'm secretly suspicious that i am watching an edited version of NBK because it seems to be missing a few "fucks"

anything can happen on halloween

happy halloween whores and slores!