so i went and saw three movies in the past three days
twilight: pretty, and pretty damn similar to the book. i was pleased. bella was understated, but i liked her. i mean, come on guys, bella doesn't have much of a personality to begin with, it grows as the books progress. also i realized that none of the other six people in the theatre were fangirls because no one shared my one laugh, at edward's line (obviously in reference to jacob, SPOILER ALERT) about throwing bella to the wolves. obviously rob pattinson was super hot but i thought both jasper and alice were hotter. that's one vampire sandwich i'd love to be the meat in.
the spirit: it was visually arresting but the rest of it found me leaving to go to the bathroom like five times. there are like two plot points, the characters are one dimensional, and scarlett johannson was fucking terrible. and i usually like her.
the curious case of benjamin button: this movie started at 4:25 and i had to leave it at 7 to get to work. i didn't want to because i really liked it, but the damn framing plot with old cate blanchett about to die just reeked of lame. there's some storm coming and her daughter is reading her benjamin's journal or something (as per usual i was about five minutes late) and i just didn't care. after benjamin left the story i bounced (like i said i had to, i don't like missing the end of movies). not like i don't love cate blanchett and she was spectacular in this (i think she's the best actress of her generation. i'd put tilda swinton soon behind and she was a great surprise in this film as well) but it just seemed super out of place. but maybe i missed the establishing shots of it that might have made it seem a better frame for this great story. david fincher, who is great at creepy and weird (se7en, fight club), made a beautiful, touching, longass film that, what else, makes me wish i'd find my next great love.
anyway that's that, the other movies/shows i watched this week were a night at the opera (hilarious, marx brothers classic), raising arizona (superb, coen brothers classic) , three seasons of law and order:svu (i eventually had a dream that i was boning chris meloni and then i had to find him because he disappeared. when i realized that my svu related dreams weren't nightmares, i realized i'd watched too much), metalocalypse season 2 (fucking hilarious obviously), and the first season of twin peaks (i think i already established that i love this. i can't watch it too late at night though after kyle maclachlan's dream with the midget talking backwards in the red room. david lynch throws that fucking midget in everything he does and he terrifies me every time.)
ok now i have to poop
Friday, December 26, 2008
from morgan's wall
me: NOW hot topic is carrying a harry potter scarf. and i just saw the half-blood prince commercial and it becomes abundantly clear to me that i do not remember the plot of that book whatsoever. when the hell did it come out?i know i read it, because i know who the hbp is, but still...
ilena: it came out the summer before we went to college
me: ok that means i read it at boarding school so there's no way i was high or anything. i totally remember the ending because when i lent the book to the next kid on the list (we only had like three copies among the whole school) i said "get ready to have your heart ripped out!" and ran away crying (keep in mind everyone cried all the time at carlbrook). that's a lot to recall about a book whose plot has entirely escaped me.
ilena: it came out the summer before we went to college
me: ok that means i read it at boarding school so there's no way i was high or anything. i totally remember the ending because when i lent the book to the next kid on the list (we only had like three copies among the whole school) i said "get ready to have your heart ripped out!" and ran away crying (keep in mind everyone cried all the time at carlbrook). that's a lot to recall about a book whose plot has entirely escaped me.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
chelsea and i are bitches
o my god! chelsea handler and i were both teased in school by kids barking at us and calling us a dog
i love her. yay.
i love her. yay.
Monday, December 22, 2008
twin peaks
twin peaks is happening to me right now
it is exquisite
every shot, every change in the music, every person, every line
i'm just entranced and i can't believe i waited so long
i've been waiting for kyle maclachlan, and he did not disappoint, his entry scene, with the noir-y detective music, with voiceover, driving into town, ahhhhh ok i need to stop typing so i can watch
it is exquisite
every shot, every change in the music, every person, every line
i'm just entranced and i can't believe i waited so long
i've been waiting for kyle maclachlan, and he did not disappoint, his entry scene, with the noir-y detective music, with voiceover, driving into town, ahhhhh ok i need to stop typing so i can watch
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
malia!
if you're like my friends and myself, on election night you logically traveled from yelling "yay obama!" to "i love you little jill biden!" to "maliaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
"After a visit to the White House, Malia told her dad that she planned to do her homework at the desk in the Lincoln bedroom because “I’m thinking that will inspire big thoughts”."
-perez hilton today
awwww i love the obamas. they're just swell. and malia is the breakout star of a generation. this little bitch is going to be ruling the world you just wait and see.
"After a visit to the White House, Malia told her dad that she planned to do her homework at the desk in the Lincoln bedroom because “I’m thinking that will inspire big thoughts”."
-perez hilton today
awwww i love the obamas. they're just swell. and malia is the breakout star of a generation. this little bitch is going to be ruling the world you just wait and see.
ok, my adorable and sweet little niece has been playing with the american girl felicity doll i passed down to her and i'm sad to miss it.
my adorable and sweet little dog shat on my floor today. not while i was out at work, but after i walked him after work. at 12:45 am. god dammit. i realize dogs do this shit but what the fuck he's been peeing inside and maybe it's my fault because the walks have been short because it's fucking freezing, but i am a little more willing to snip him day after tomorrow after this bullshit. pun intended. now i'm going to give him a hug because i've calmed down. he looks all penitent, his ears are flat and he's being a pie. o i just can't help spoiling him he's so cute. he just accidentally knocked down half my blinky lights so he ran back in my room to hide. o well.
by the way, toby the dog (from the stanley steemer commercial where he drags his ass on the ground) is about to win hot slut of the month on dlisted. if you haven't voted for this truly amazing dogperson, DO IT!
anyway i started writing poems on napkins at work. maybe when i start drinking again i'll post a couple. my fave is the one about how poetry blows nuts. anyway time for the daily show and my bong and i to have a special moment.
my adorable and sweet little dog shat on my floor today. not while i was out at work, but after i walked him after work. at 12:45 am. god dammit. i realize dogs do this shit but what the fuck he's been peeing inside and maybe it's my fault because the walks have been short because it's fucking freezing, but i am a little more willing to snip him day after tomorrow after this bullshit. pun intended. now i'm going to give him a hug because i've calmed down. he looks all penitent, his ears are flat and he's being a pie. o i just can't help spoiling him he's so cute. he just accidentally knocked down half my blinky lights so he ran back in my room to hide. o well.
by the way, toby the dog (from the stanley steemer commercial where he drags his ass on the ground) is about to win hot slut of the month on dlisted. if you haven't voted for this truly amazing dogperson, DO IT!
anyway i started writing poems on napkins at work. maybe when i start drinking again i'll post a couple. my fave is the one about how poetry blows nuts. anyway time for the daily show and my bong and i to have a special moment.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
don't ya wonder
a question from marco:
"do you think convicted murderers, after they do their time and they're back on the outside, get mailings specifically for people who've killed people?"
food for thought.
"do you think convicted murderers, after they do their time and they're back on the outside, get mailings specifically for people who've killed people?"
food for thought.
Monday, November 24, 2008
dreams
so i slept for forever last night and had the craziest dreams
i was staying in my house from growing up, which had the same front door as my house now. i'm pretty sure i was hanging out with natalie and becky. i had three dogs, a yorkie, a scottie and hiro. there was a white doggy that i also ended up taking in. i started getting phone calls from stephen colbert because he had decided he was in love with me, but then i found out that it was part of a nationwide prank, somehow he'd done the same thing with hundreds of people. there was a huge war going on in the snow, maybe it had a little to do with reading twilight (finished it today. it grew on me and i'm going to start new moon tonight), and i was helping to hide people, send them out to fight, and to ready the dogs. of course this took place at the resort hotel i keep staying at in my dreams. my little sister gave me yay so good that i could barely walk. there was some element of travel over water, and my car not working well as i headed to new york city, the site of the apocalypse. i may have superpowers. but i have no power to resist world of warcraft comercials. anyway tonight i watched the new heroes and maybe got my friends into it? then we all just read our various twilight books together, it was very fun. now it's time for metalocalypse!
i was staying in my house from growing up, which had the same front door as my house now. i'm pretty sure i was hanging out with natalie and becky. i had three dogs, a yorkie, a scottie and hiro. there was a white doggy that i also ended up taking in. i started getting phone calls from stephen colbert because he had decided he was in love with me, but then i found out that it was part of a nationwide prank, somehow he'd done the same thing with hundreds of people. there was a huge war going on in the snow, maybe it had a little to do with reading twilight (finished it today. it grew on me and i'm going to start new moon tonight), and i was helping to hide people, send them out to fight, and to ready the dogs. of course this took place at the resort hotel i keep staying at in my dreams. my little sister gave me yay so good that i could barely walk. there was some element of travel over water, and my car not working well as i headed to new york city, the site of the apocalypse. i may have superpowers. but i have no power to resist world of warcraft comercials. anyway tonight i watched the new heroes and maybe got my friends into it? then we all just read our various twilight books together, it was very fun. now it's time for metalocalypse!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
forgetting sarah marshall, tropic thunder on dvd, and potential cheeky theft!
forgetting sarah marshall was great. charming charming charming, and i hate romantic comedies, but it was more than that, without the requisite cheese at the usual end of a judd apatow film. it made me... miss being in love. like usual. alone at 3 am with a movie and a bong and a beer. even hiro is in the other room, he's had it with this mess. now it's time for the newest addition to my dvd collection: TROPIC THUNDER 2-DISC EXTENDED DIRECTOR'S CUT! did i pay the $35 dollars for this, the dvd release i've been most excited about this year, or did i instead get shut out of best buy by four minutes (the christian assholes who run this country basically want no one to purchase shit on the holy night. i'm a jew i got money to burn let me do with it what i want!/i actually don't have money to burn i made 2 dollars and 50 cents in tips on saturday night but sometimes damn a girl just wants to buy a dvd), and then, leaving my very adorable little dog to await my return in the car, wait for fucking fifteen minutes at the dvd/cd counter of barnes and noble, glaring at the employees, trying to leave the section to purchase the dvd at the normal counter, setting off the little alarm, so staying in the dvd/cd section, waiting, and then removing the plastic packaging with the alarm thingy on it, looking the surveillance camera in the eye, shrugging, and walking out of the store with the dvd in my hand. i may have performed the long series of actions i just outlined, or i may have paid the exorbitant fee of $35 dollars for my prize. it's up to you to decide. while you decide just how responsible or addicted to theft i may be, hiro and i are firing up the old dvd player to showcase that 2008 masterpiece, TROPIC THUNDER!
addendum: damn i forgot how fucking hilarious the fake previews at the beginning of this movie are. this is a freaking comedic masterpiece. i can't wait to see all the best characters, including the whacked out tom cruise in the role of a lifetime, les grossman.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
freezin for a reason.
"you'll be freezin for a reason!"
ok there was just a commercial for hundreds of better people than me (slash dumbasses) who are taking a polar bear dip in the hudson to raise money for special olympics.
they are going to risk hypothermia for the special olympics.
there is nothing else to say.
ok there was just a commercial for hundreds of better people than me (slash dumbasses) who are taking a polar bear dip in the hudson to raise money for special olympics.
they are going to risk hypothermia for the special olympics.
there is nothing else to say.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
watching iron man on demand
so yeah, iron man fucking ruled!
you of course know of my immense love of robert downey jr, and the movie was fun, inspired, and well done aesthetically, technically, and the performances were engaging. of course it was formulaic, it's a comic book movie. i'm about to go out and buy tropic thunder and have myself a little rdj filmfest perhaps. i hope the avengers teaser is part of it... and yes it was. samuel l. jackson as nick fury was fierrrrrrce. it made me almost as happy as seeing rdj at the end of the hulk, even though i made everyone wait for the avengers teaser after that and it didn't happen. i need to actually read the avengers now, haha.
ok nevermind, the seven samurai is free on demand, tropic thunder can wait for another day.
i started twilight yesterday, and it is lovely gothic crap. i wish it was written by caitlin r. kiernan or poppy z brite though, it's much too chaste and not well written, but it's still fun. and the goth kids v. vampires south park made my life last night. the goth kids have long been my favorite characters (besides ike), and all the faux goth rock songs were fucking hilarious, i'll find a clip at some point and link it here.
a week til my birthday!
you of course know of my immense love of robert downey jr, and the movie was fun, inspired, and well done aesthetically, technically, and the performances were engaging. of course it was formulaic, it's a comic book movie. i'm about to go out and buy tropic thunder and have myself a little rdj filmfest perhaps. i hope the avengers teaser is part of it... and yes it was. samuel l. jackson as nick fury was fierrrrrrce. it made me almost as happy as seeing rdj at the end of the hulk, even though i made everyone wait for the avengers teaser after that and it didn't happen. i need to actually read the avengers now, haha.
ok nevermind, the seven samurai is free on demand, tropic thunder can wait for another day.
i started twilight yesterday, and it is lovely gothic crap. i wish it was written by caitlin r. kiernan or poppy z brite though, it's much too chaste and not well written, but it's still fun. and the goth kids v. vampires south park made my life last night. the goth kids have long been my favorite characters (besides ike), and all the faux goth rock songs were fucking hilarious, i'll find a clip at some point and link it here.
a week til my birthday!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
by the way
this is hiro nakamura! he is an old man who likes to sleep, pee on tires, hobble along, and curl up on black sheets or blankets.
he is my love and he is all the man i need right now.
i hate grown men.
new rule:
if you are an adult and get the kiss off from someone half your age, have the respect for yourself not to act like a little baby
if you are trying to bone someone, telling them they have "medication bloat" is not the best path to their loins
if you call me and i don't call or text you back, leave me the fuck alone! trying different tactics in different texts is only sure to PISS ME THE FUCK OFF
and most importantly: just because you think i'm special doesn't mean i give a shit about you!
so guys, listen up, i think i'm forsaking you for the time being. working as a waitress gets me sexually harassed enough that i take care of myself before i go to work, i'm so turned off by bedtime. now tell me where i find the pretty lesbians!
if you are an adult and get the kiss off from someone half your age, have the respect for yourself not to act like a little baby
if you are trying to bone someone, telling them they have "medication bloat" is not the best path to their loins
if you call me and i don't call or text you back, leave me the fuck alone! trying different tactics in different texts is only sure to PISS ME THE FUCK OFF
and most importantly: just because you think i'm special doesn't mean i give a shit about you!
so guys, listen up, i think i'm forsaking you for the time being. working as a waitress gets me sexually harassed enough that i take care of myself before i go to work, i'm so turned off by bedtime. now tell me where i find the pretty lesbians!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
heeeeerrooooeeesss
i love heroes.
hiro nakamura is taking a spirit walk a year back in time, and it's pretty good. i want to see something that shocks me though. lots of eclipse imagery, which is pretty cool. also at the beginning of the show it didn't even say "heroes" across the eclipse, it says VILLAINS! i love some good villains, but i also love all the central characters, so i have this existential dilemma in enjoying when the plot twists for the worse for people like peter, hiro, suresh, claire, and now sylar
o my god!!! the elle and sylar romance is breaking my fucking heart. i love my sylar so.
and... IF ARTHUR PETRELLI KILLS HIRO NAKAMURA I WILL STOP WATCHING.
well maybe for like a week... and where was parkman? heroes without parkman is almost like two and a half men without jake... or rose!
i love heroes.
hiro nakamura is taking a spirit walk a year back in time, and it's pretty good. i want to see something that shocks me though. lots of eclipse imagery, which is pretty cool. also at the beginning of the show it didn't even say "heroes" across the eclipse, it says VILLAINS! i love some good villains, but i also love all the central characters, so i have this existential dilemma in enjoying when the plot twists for the worse for people like peter, hiro, suresh, claire, and now sylar
o my god!!! the elle and sylar romance is breaking my fucking heart. i love my sylar so.
and... IF ARTHUR PETRELLI KILLS HIRO NAKAMURA I WILL STOP WATCHING.
well maybe for like a week... and where was parkman? heroes without parkman is almost like two and a half men without jake... or rose!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
nice pice puppies and sweeney todd
it's saturday, and it's movie day for me.
i just watched mommie dearest, which was splendid. faye dunaway, possibly my favorite actress besides kate hepburn and madeline kahn, was just breathtaking. i think joan crawford had borderline personality disorder too, i can relate to the nighttime freak outs.
now i'm watching sweeney todd, obviously a joy to sing along to at home rather than being scared to at the theatre. what an inspired and total vision. that's what always charms me about tim burton films, the totality of his vision and the world he creates for the film and characters to exist in. depp and bonham carter always excel at whatever role they're put in, and work magically together. alan rickman's performance in nigh perfect, and sacha baron cohen's cameo is hilarious and wonderful. i could have dealt with better voices, but the performances of the leads were good enough and the singing fine enough to make it work.
finally, i am getting a dog this week! these are the adorable doggies coming to visit me on tuesday:
dipper and reece, the sweet little twins (the boy used to be in a doggie wheelchair but now is ok without stairs)
and freddie!
which ones will i fall for? we shall see!
i just watched mommie dearest, which was splendid. faye dunaway, possibly my favorite actress besides kate hepburn and madeline kahn, was just breathtaking. i think joan crawford had borderline personality disorder too, i can relate to the nighttime freak outs.
now i'm watching sweeney todd, obviously a joy to sing along to at home rather than being scared to at the theatre. what an inspired and total vision. that's what always charms me about tim burton films, the totality of his vision and the world he creates for the film and characters to exist in. depp and bonham carter always excel at whatever role they're put in, and work magically together. alan rickman's performance in nigh perfect, and sacha baron cohen's cameo is hilarious and wonderful. i could have dealt with better voices, but the performances of the leads were good enough and the singing fine enough to make it work.
finally, i am getting a dog this week! these are the adorable doggies coming to visit me on tuesday:
dipper and reece, the sweet little twins (the boy used to be in a doggie wheelchair but now is ok without stairs)
and freddie!which ones will i fall for? we shall see!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
doggie!
i am getting a doggie!
what should i name him/her?
i'm thinking either toby or god.
what do YOU think?
my mommy and i are picking the doggie up next week
i more than have earned the doggie coming home with me next week
what should i name him/her?
i'm thinking either toby or god.
what do YOU think?
my mommy and i are picking the doggie up next week
i more than have earned the doggie coming home with me next week
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
vote for lando
See more funny videos at Funny or Die
finally, a candidate we can all get behind,
LANDO CALRISSIAN VS. EMPEROR PALPATINE.
comedy gold, enjoy
and VOTE, SLORES!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
i'm kinda drunk alone at home watching natural born killers. it is my favorite movie, which should be clear to any person who has ever met me, but man it makes me wish i was in love. i tell a million people a day "i'm not dating anyone but i don't want to, i'm just hanging out with my friends". it's absolutely true, but sometimes i just am ready for my next big love affair. i'll probably delete this entry in the sobriety of monday but whatever. anyway halloween was super fun. i began the night as joe jonas, complete with tamborine, 
but soon morphed into the costume me wanted, harry potter!
hey i just thought about the fact that natural born killers is my favorite romantic comedy (hAHAHAH!) but even though i adore the romance at the heart of the story, it was also the movie that made me realize i was obsessed with robert downey jr. life is soooo mysterious!
by the way, i'm secretly suspicious that i am watching an edited version of NBK because it seems to be missing a few "fucks"
but soon morphed into the costume me wanted, harry potter!hey i just thought about the fact that natural born killers is my favorite romantic comedy (hAHAHAH!) but even though i adore the romance at the heart of the story, it was also the movie that made me realize i was obsessed with robert downey jr. life is soooo mysterious!
by the way, i'm secretly suspicious that i am watching an edited version of NBK because it seems to be missing a few "fucks"
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
lots of latenight shit
ok well obviously this was high-larious.
man, don't tell the friend who grew it, but the homegrown shit i just bought is just not that good.
the nameless fella is rather full of himself, in a lovely way (he is like my best friend), and so he thinks his stuff is much better than it is. i wish i knew more normal drug dealers. being friends with them is nice, but also soooo annoying.
anyway, the funny shit is the thursday night snl they've created. will ferrell as bush (god i hope he stops making the movies he's making) and tina fey as palin
haha i like the boondocks.
nigga moments, this is priceless. the best real life example i have is when that guy touched morgan's ass at that party and morgan freaked out "my cousins are big and black and they will kick your ass if you ever touch me again!". the guy told us to leave and i was like dragging her out. it was fucking hilarious.
o my god, guys i try to tell to go away try and get my number even harder! this is the new rule: you can give me your number, i won't give you mine. this kid invited me to smoke with him tomorrow and he was nice and not creepy so i think i'll do that (i have no shame when it comes to getting smoked out for free)
hmm, i wonder what i could get away with saying on this blog considering that no one reads it.
well... I NEED TO GET LAID! but i'm over compromising my integrity to do it.
ooo real time with bill maher!
"the liberals have always liked him, and the conservatives like the idea of having a black man clean up their mess"
ooo this entry has so much about race!
i think what can be gleaned is that i love black women... and obama.
and oliver stone!
btdubs have you bitches watched amy poehler's palin rap yet??? YOU BETTER!
man i made a KILLING on tips tonight
o my god why do the conservative guests even come on real time with bill maher?
anyway new thing, my new favorite "vote no on prop 8" commercial, with itzak perlman, talking about one of his children, who is a gay woman, and the whole family would obviously like her union with her wife to be recognized by the state. check it out
man, don't tell the friend who grew it, but the homegrown shit i just bought is just not that good.
the nameless fella is rather full of himself, in a lovely way (he is like my best friend), and so he thinks his stuff is much better than it is. i wish i knew more normal drug dealers. being friends with them is nice, but also soooo annoying.
anyway, the funny shit is the thursday night snl they've created. will ferrell as bush (god i hope he stops making the movies he's making) and tina fey as palin
haha i like the boondocks.
nigga moments, this is priceless. the best real life example i have is when that guy touched morgan's ass at that party and morgan freaked out "my cousins are big and black and they will kick your ass if you ever touch me again!". the guy told us to leave and i was like dragging her out. it was fucking hilarious.
o my god, guys i try to tell to go away try and get my number even harder! this is the new rule: you can give me your number, i won't give you mine. this kid invited me to smoke with him tomorrow and he was nice and not creepy so i think i'll do that (i have no shame when it comes to getting smoked out for free)
hmm, i wonder what i could get away with saying on this blog considering that no one reads it.
well... I NEED TO GET LAID! but i'm over compromising my integrity to do it.
ooo real time with bill maher!
"the liberals have always liked him, and the conservatives like the idea of having a black man clean up their mess"
ooo this entry has so much about race!
i think what can be gleaned is that i love black women... and obama.
and oliver stone!
btdubs have you bitches watched amy poehler's palin rap yet??? YOU BETTER!
man i made a KILLING on tips tonight
o my god why do the conservative guests even come on real time with bill maher?
anyway new thing, my new favorite "vote no on prop 8" commercial, with itzak perlman, talking about one of his children, who is a gay woman, and the whole family would obviously like her union with her wife to be recognized by the state. check it out
the night we saved babycakes
are you ready for this shit?
well i just got off work at juliet's, it's 3:43 am
we smelled gas (or those of us who could smell smelled it), and the people from the county came out and stayed for like two hours while sofia and i chatted and listened to the "rat pack" satellite radio station
a couple of our pilot lights are out on the stove, it's ok
but! BABYCAKES WAS FULL OF GAS!
WE SAVED ITS LIFE!
ok i guess that's all i had to say.
come see me there tomorrow night bitches
well i just got off work at juliet's, it's 3:43 am
we smelled gas (or those of us who could smell smelled it), and the people from the county came out and stayed for like two hours while sofia and i chatted and listened to the "rat pack" satellite radio station
a couple of our pilot lights are out on the stove, it's ok
but! BABYCAKES WAS FULL OF GAS!
WE SAVED ITS LIFE!
ok i guess that's all i had to say.
come see me there tomorrow night bitches
Thursday, October 23, 2008
WATCH THE NEW WATCHMEN TRAILER
fuck yes! there isn't much more, and i heard a nasty rumor that snyder has changed the ending of my pet adaptation... but oh well it's the WATCHMEN MOVIE WHO CARES.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
dean koontz and the new bong fund
ok dean koontz just did a creepy monotone commercial with a dog, (i initially typed god heehee) about how his new book is about the relationship between man and doggie. i HATE this new crap about there being commercials for books. ok i'm going to work out a budget that allows all my income from juliet's (a very fun job except for the creepy dudes who try to ask me out. why can't it be the cute ones?) to go to the new bong fund. by the way, only a roor will do. and it'll be roor number three (shhhh), and three is my lucky number so hopefully our love will last a lifetime. my allowance will need to go to paying back a couple of folks and the essential three b's (booze, bud and... we'll just say bread), but other than that, NEW BONG FUND HERE WE COME!
i'll accept donations, by the way. it's for a good cause.
hmm actually i thought the new roor would be over $200 but it seems it's only going to be like $120 this may be doable tomorrow, or at least after i get paid on friday. let me figure this shit out hold on.
UPDATE: if i hadn't gotten the ten dollar pasta with meat sauce at work (which i obviously left there like a dumbass) then i would have enough. I'll have to wait til friday or til morgan pays me back. meh.
i'll accept donations, by the way. it's for a good cause.
hmm actually i thought the new roor would be over $200 but it seems it's only going to be like $120 this may be doable tomorrow, or at least after i get paid on friday. let me figure this shit out hold on.
UPDATE: if i hadn't gotten the ten dollar pasta with meat sauce at work (which i obviously left there like a dumbass) then i would have enough. I'll have to wait til friday or til morgan pays me back. meh.
heroing
i just talked about the longevity of my bong earlier tonight without knocking on wood, citing my carpet as the reason
i just reached for my water glass and knocked the bong upside down against the table and futon
the same part as the last roor broke
it broke a little piece of my heart
the pieces of my heart group started my awareness, but things that happen to you and that you do really do take away a piece of you
i will never be as full as i once was
i have been assaultingly nostalgic for a certain time in my life
blogging high and late is never a good idea.
i will leave you with something relevant to what this blog is supposed to be
i had a dream last night that i was a HERO! the problem is when i can do cool things in dreams they only work part of the time. my power was that i could fuck with machines. not like micah sanders, he can talk to machines, but i could fuck them up, like make them not work, by making a fist really hard and fast and focusing
i was also pursuing stephen colbert, who had been my high school teacher, and i wanted to bone him, clearly
it was interesting.
i just reached for my water glass and knocked the bong upside down against the table and futon
the same part as the last roor broke
it broke a little piece of my heart
the pieces of my heart group started my awareness, but things that happen to you and that you do really do take away a piece of you
i will never be as full as i once was
i have been assaultingly nostalgic for a certain time in my life
blogging high and late is never a good idea.
i will leave you with something relevant to what this blog is supposed to be
i had a dream last night that i was a HERO! the problem is when i can do cool things in dreams they only work part of the time. my power was that i could fuck with machines. not like micah sanders, he can talk to machines, but i could fuck them up, like make them not work, by making a fist really hard and fast and focusing
i was also pursuing stephen colbert, who had been my high school teacher, and i wanted to bone him, clearly
it was interesting.
my new favorite thing ever!
i would take this record to bed and sleep with it.
haven't you heard? THE BIRD IS THE WORD!
(this is a song featured on a great new family guy episode as peter's favorite song. it's actually amazing)
haven't you heard? THE BIRD IS THE WORD!
(this is a song featured on a great new family guy episode as peter's favorite song. it's actually amazing)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
truth.
yes. the most amazing thing ever done on snl. poehler does the palin rap while palin grooves along.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
the most interesting show ever
there's a tv show on right now (it doesn't matter because it's two and a half men time and that is a sacred covenant between me and my bong) but this show is called... get ready for this:
THINGS REMOVED FROM BODY
!!!
this is on tlc, and the description of this show, which apparently is something more than a one shot, is: "Bikers impaled; woman speared by marlin."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
wow!
now i'm going to keep downloading the newest heroes. and apparently there are two episodes in the first season i never saw! o joy, o bliss!
i introduced sam to the show, and he loved it, especially, as i predicted, the illustrious hiro nakamura!
more coming later
THINGS REMOVED FROM BODY
!!!
this is on tlc, and the description of this show, which apparently is something more than a one shot, is: "Bikers impaled; woman speared by marlin."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
wow!
now i'm going to keep downloading the newest heroes. and apparently there are two episodes in the first season i never saw! o joy, o bliss!
i introduced sam to the show, and he loved it, especially, as i predicted, the illustrious hiro nakamura!
more coming later
Thursday, October 9, 2008
fuck you all
ok press gave my part away to someone who, for the purposes of this blog being public to everyone, is fat, ugly, and has a lisp. HAVE FUN WEARING MY SKINTIGHT CATSUIT BITCH! the plan right now is to make her so uncomfortable about taking my part that she'll just back out. who am i kidding, i'm just going to drink enough to try to bone nathan explosion through my tv screen
and try to remind myself that i'm still in the play, and i can still pass my other class. i will get a job at juliet's and things won't totally suck. right?
and try to remind myself that i'm still in the play, and i can still pass my other class. i will get a job at juliet's and things won't totally suck. right?
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
booth!
this is the funniest post iwatchstuff has ever written, his ideas for the new showtime series about john wilkes booth and his brothers starring kevin bacon.
more presidential paris
See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die
this is pretty fucking good. it also made me happy because i was watching two and a half men and when charlie showed up at paris' party i had twice the fun of the least talented sheen.
late
a couple hilarious things i learned on slog:
the la president of NOW endorses palin because they are fellow athletes
the ceo of lehman brothers was punched out in the company gym after the company utterly bombed out this week
the sun has been just declared to NOT BE a perfect sphere. duh dumbasses this is real life we're talking about
damn i'm seeing julia louis-dreyfuss on conan, she looks fucking great. i want to be as funny as her and keep my looks as well as she has. plus her show also stars her along wanda sykes
k now i'm watching sesame street. it really is educational for kids with enough jokes for adults. there's a sisyphus bug that pushes a rock up a hill among other things
anyway i've been having the best dreams lately, making waking up difficult. they're pretty fantastical. i'm going to indulge now
the la president of NOW endorses palin because they are fellow athletes
the ceo of lehman brothers was punched out in the company gym after the company utterly bombed out this week
the sun has been just declared to NOT BE a perfect sphere. duh dumbasses this is real life we're talking about
damn i'm seeing julia louis-dreyfuss on conan, she looks fucking great. i want to be as funny as her and keep my looks as well as she has. plus her show also stars her along wanda sykes
k now i'm watching sesame street. it really is educational for kids with enough jokes for adults. there's a sisyphus bug that pushes a rock up a hill among other things
anyway i've been having the best dreams lately, making waking up difficult. they're pretty fantastical. i'm going to indulge now
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
being affectionately disrespectful to the memory of my first love
so i was like "when's the second anniversary of patrick's death?" today when i was walking back from the grocery store with my $4 joesixpack and two granny smith apples (i know how to live well on a budget), listening to katy perry's song "ur so gay".
duh it was like two weeks ago, when i was in virginia. i should have gone to his grave but i just didn't think about it because i'm a fucking flake who drove by the cemetery and blew him a kiss at least once a day (the street happens to be a shortcut to my house) until i wrecked my delilah again (my car's name). so before i post the lyrics to this song, rest in peace patrick i miss you every day.
(btw the inverted pentagram made out of the "o" in gibbon wasn't done by me, and to those who did it, touche)
now onto the rude part, which is that i listened to this song and of course it describes every douchebag at vassar, but it's also the kind of song that when p was alive i would have been like "p this is your song!" and he would have gotten all pissed about it. aw now i miss him more. yes it's also offensive that it refers to the way he died, but if you're reading this then it's pretty much certain that i know him better than you and it's my fucking prerogative. i could really go on and on but this is my entertainment blog and not a livejournal so i won't. so here you go, the lyrics, and a link to the song itself:
I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…
You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused
That nobody understands you
I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head
I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead
I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more makeup than…
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…
You walk around like you’re oh so debonair
You pull ‘em down and there’s really nothing there
I wish you would just be real with me
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
Oh no no no no no no no
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like… PENIS
duh it was like two weeks ago, when i was in virginia. i should have gone to his grave but i just didn't think about it because i'm a fucking flake who drove by the cemetery and blew him a kiss at least once a day (the street happens to be a shortcut to my house) until i wrecked my delilah again (my car's name). so before i post the lyrics to this song, rest in peace patrick i miss you every day.
(btw the inverted pentagram made out of the "o" in gibbon wasn't done by me, and to those who did it, touche)
now onto the rude part, which is that i listened to this song and of course it describes every douchebag at vassar, but it's also the kind of song that when p was alive i would have been like "p this is your song!" and he would have gotten all pissed about it. aw now i miss him more. yes it's also offensive that it refers to the way he died, but if you're reading this then it's pretty much certain that i know him better than you and it's my fucking prerogative. i could really go on and on but this is my entertainment blog and not a livejournal so i won't. so here you go, the lyrics, and a link to the song itself:
I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…
You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused
That nobody understands you
I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head
I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead
I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more makeup than…
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…
You walk around like you’re oh so debonair
You pull ‘em down and there’s really nothing there
I wish you would just be real with me
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
Oh no no no no no no no
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like… PENIS
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
CONSUMED BY HEROES
sorry i haven't been blogging much, i've been watching the whole first season of heroes, and number two is on the way. it's the best thing i've ever seen and i'm in love with peter petrelli (milo ventimiglia, who is beautiful and and has the all important lanky dark hair and sideways smile). i need to return to it now bye.
Monday, September 22, 2008
ok spore is fun as fuck. i think i may start another civilization just for fun. the galactic stage does give me some anxiety because of my fear of the infinity of space, but honestly i think it's helping me work through my issues.
i wanted to tell you all that i am a slave for vanessa hudgens song "sneakernight"
i like that bitch because she's a sexual being and a whore and she don't give a shit
disney be damned!
i don't like miley because her smile is too big and she should just embrace her whorishness. she is a hot young babe who wants to bone her older boyfriend and take sexy pictures. hell, i was doing wayyy worse at fifteen! just beeeeee it milehhh
whoa the girl on this "parental control" looks like brunette steve. that is soo weird.
i had a dream last night where i was desperate about shit and god it was unattractive. i strive to give less than half a shit.
i do love the gay dude who was like "i want someone just like my stepdad, but gay". his stepdad was quite a silver fox. i am a fan of the silver fox, though that won't end up on my facebook like "pale, thin boys with longish wavy brown hair"
this entry was written last night.
i wanted to tell you all that i am a slave for vanessa hudgens song "sneakernight"
i like that bitch because she's a sexual being and a whore and she don't give a shit
disney be damned!
i don't like miley because her smile is too big and she should just embrace her whorishness. she is a hot young babe who wants to bone her older boyfriend and take sexy pictures. hell, i was doing wayyy worse at fifteen! just beeeeee it milehhh
whoa the girl on this "parental control" looks like brunette steve. that is soo weird.
i had a dream last night where i was desperate about shit and god it was unattractive. i strive to give less than half a shit.
i do love the gay dude who was like "i want someone just like my stepdad, but gay". his stepdad was quite a silver fox. i am a fan of the silver fox, though that won't end up on my facebook like "pale, thin boys with longish wavy brown hair"
this entry was written last night.
Friday, September 19, 2008
yo ho ho and a bottle of 1987 champagne
ok there are a lot of things i need to write about
the first thing is this clip from the soup of two little boys mooing on the bonnie hunt showi searched google for this shit and it asks me "did you mean little boys mooning?"
for once, the answer was no
i just tried this line out on my friends and they didn't instantly react.
we're all kinda high and drunk and watching the soup
anyway the boys moo at each other, slowly locking eyes and beginning a slow smile, and i believe we witnessed the moment that the pair of them fell in love.
anyway apparently this clip is not online yet
so i'm obviously down in the va
we watched i love money
then curb your enthusiasm, one of my favorite episodes, "the smoking jacket"
ok i'm feeling inspired to be more jewish and i am craving charoset and fucking LATKES!
i'm like the jewish dlisted
i wish
anyway this is the hilarious curb where rob corddry plays the sex offender who comes to seder, which is part of the passover desire
it is emily's 21st in just a bit, and we will make it fun!
ok i need to end this post because i am too goooooooood to do otherwise
the first thing is this clip from the soup of two little boys mooing on the bonnie hunt showi searched google for this shit and it asks me "did you mean little boys mooning?"
for once, the answer was no
i just tried this line out on my friends and they didn't instantly react.
we're all kinda high and drunk and watching the soup
anyway the boys moo at each other, slowly locking eyes and beginning a slow smile, and i believe we witnessed the moment that the pair of them fell in love.
anyway apparently this clip is not online yet
so i'm obviously down in the va
we watched i love money
then curb your enthusiasm, one of my favorite episodes, "the smoking jacket"
ok i'm feeling inspired to be more jewish and i am craving charoset and fucking LATKES!
i'm like the jewish dlisted
i wish
anyway this is the hilarious curb where rob corddry plays the sex offender who comes to seder, which is part of the passover desire
it is emily's 21st in just a bit, and we will make it fun!
ok i need to end this post because i am too goooooooood to do otherwise
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
when i'm a big girl!
when i grow up i want to be like chris meloni
i want to be on some show like law and order:svu where i don't have to think so much, i just have to be badass, and do fun comedy and low-budget movies like wet hot american summer and harold and kumar.
love you christopha!
samantha bee sings "send in the cash" to the tune of... well obviously, "send in the clowns"
o god rob riggle, and john oliver joining in with other streisand tunes. this was fucking hilarious.
wyatt cenac doing lil wayne. it was all a win. time for another tequila shot!
anyway so obviously it was tv date night with me and my friend morgan, which means AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL and PROJECT RUNWAY!
my favorite models on antm continued to pwn, the kinda gothy girl, elina, got wild red curls, and isis (the tranny) got long flowing locks. britney, very pretty but not too interesting, was the one to leave.
on project runway they had to design an outfit for recent college grads, approved of by their moms. my personal favorite was the mini-kenley (she even wore a feather hairclip and laughed at another contestants expense with the divine miss k), but i'm glad jerrel won, his outfit and the makeover for his cute little lesbian androgyne were beautiful. i think the final three should be kenley, jerrel and leanne
korto is boring, she does the same shit over and over again and her outfit this week was totally lame and unflattering. suede is good but not winner material, plus he speaks in third person. and, thank the powers that be that joe went home
ooo charlize theron is on the daily show and she is one good interview
ok, this blindness movie could actually be cool.
they released a new commercial for it and it looks pretty hot
ok i did a late night makeup and photo shoot, here's the best one
i want to be on some show like law and order:svu where i don't have to think so much, i just have to be badass, and do fun comedy and low-budget movies like wet hot american summer and harold and kumar.
love you christopha!
samantha bee sings "send in the cash" to the tune of... well obviously, "send in the clowns"
o god rob riggle, and john oliver joining in with other streisand tunes. this was fucking hilarious.
wyatt cenac doing lil wayne. it was all a win. time for another tequila shot!
anyway so obviously it was tv date night with me and my friend morgan, which means AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL and PROJECT RUNWAY!
my favorite models on antm continued to pwn, the kinda gothy girl, elina, got wild red curls, and isis (the tranny) got long flowing locks. britney, very pretty but not too interesting, was the one to leave.
on project runway they had to design an outfit for recent college grads, approved of by their moms. my personal favorite was the mini-kenley (she even wore a feather hairclip and laughed at another contestants expense with the divine miss k), but i'm glad jerrel won, his outfit and the makeover for his cute little lesbian androgyne were beautiful. i think the final three should be kenley, jerrel and leanne
korto is boring, she does the same shit over and over again and her outfit this week was totally lame and unflattering. suede is good but not winner material, plus he speaks in third person. and, thank the powers that be that joe went home
ooo charlize theron is on the daily show and she is one good interview
ok, this blindness movie could actually be cool.
they released a new commercial for it and it looks pretty hot
ok i did a late night makeup and photo shoot, here's the best one
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
brit!
awww i just saw brit accept some vmas and she looked FIERCE!
fuck yeah!
looking hot is the best revenge and she looks lovely
leave britney ALONE because she looks like a million bucks
and media, stop portraying borderline personality as serious craziness, we can handle our shit if we realize our problems
LOVE YOU OTHER BORDERLINE SUFFERERS!
so here is the lovely spears:
toby and jacob go to a big drunk concert
so as the title suggests my good friend jacob and i went to the soco music experience concert this weekend
we got there in the afternoon, i was afraid he wasn't going to be able to get in due to his fake id
it was actually super easy, and we soon decided we needed to get much more drunk for this experience
we got some vodka at the store (of course i got a hard time because my id has me pissed off as shit after 24 hours awake and 3 at the dmv... and o yeah, with long blonde hair) and drank it very quick in the parking lot
then they sold us beer at the show for like $5 a cup, which i of course decided to steal from people we didn't know because yeah right, we are college/high school students with no fucking money and theft is hilarious when it happens to people you don't know
there was a fun ska band, one band who we met the lead singer of (i think he thought we both were cute. i understand) and then finally justice came on
(i had to explain to my friend adam who the jonas brothers were today, and i told him that justice looked like him with more facial hair, and the other looked like the sexy jonas brother. apparently morgan and i have different opinions on who the sexy jonas brother is. i think it's the older one who's dating taylor swift, and morgan thinks it's nick jonas, who is a teenager. who's the sex criminal now???)
they were a ton of fun and we danced like crazy.
we also lost my car key.
so jacob and i were the last people to leave the concert at around 1:30 am. triple a drove us home finally and dropped my car outside. this was fucking horrible though. have you ever lost your keys two hours from home? better hope you're a aaa advance member! they will tow your ass 100 miles!
anyway it's a tuesday, no class til 3 pm tomorrow.
hey, apparently the one i like is JOE JONAS. and perez likes him too. ok he's 19 so he is a teenager but MORGAN LIKES THE YOUNGER ONE!
ahhh tuesday night margaritas during 90210. what a fun time.
if i cared about my audience i'd stop now...
but i don't!
ok my presence was just requested in virginia.
i have to do it folks!
it's emily's 21st birthday!!!
i can give up some weekend at vassar for natalie and emily, and i shall.
we got there in the afternoon, i was afraid he wasn't going to be able to get in due to his fake id
it was actually super easy, and we soon decided we needed to get much more drunk for this experience
we got some vodka at the store (of course i got a hard time because my id has me pissed off as shit after 24 hours awake and 3 at the dmv... and o yeah, with long blonde hair) and drank it very quick in the parking lot
then they sold us beer at the show for like $5 a cup, which i of course decided to steal from people we didn't know because yeah right, we are college/high school students with no fucking money and theft is hilarious when it happens to people you don't know
there was a fun ska band, one band who we met the lead singer of (i think he thought we both were cute. i understand) and then finally justice came on
(i had to explain to my friend adam who the jonas brothers were today, and i told him that justice looked like him with more facial hair, and the other looked like the sexy jonas brother. apparently morgan and i have different opinions on who the sexy jonas brother is. i think it's the older one who's dating taylor swift, and morgan thinks it's nick jonas, who is a teenager. who's the sex criminal now???)
they were a ton of fun and we danced like crazy.
we also lost my car key.
so jacob and i were the last people to leave the concert at around 1:30 am. triple a drove us home finally and dropped my car outside. this was fucking horrible though. have you ever lost your keys two hours from home? better hope you're a aaa advance member! they will tow your ass 100 miles!
anyway it's a tuesday, no class til 3 pm tomorrow.
hey, apparently the one i like is JOE JONAS. and perez likes him too. ok he's 19 so he is a teenager but MORGAN LIKES THE YOUNGER ONE!
ahhh tuesday night margaritas during 90210. what a fun time.
if i cared about my audience i'd stop now...
but i don't!
ok my presence was just requested in virginia.
i have to do it folks!
it's emily's 21st birthday!!!
i can give up some weekend at vassar for natalie and emily, and i shall.
glasses and zuckerman
megan fox, the hottest bitch alive, used to be in love with a hot badass stripper!
i feel bored. it means it's an andrea zuckerman kinda day!
which means i found glasses with no lenses and accidentally fooled almost all my main hoes (morgan, claire, marco, adam) into thinking i wore them for real. they even complimented me!
i think the glasses are a winner.
anyway we watched the new 90210 and found out dylan is kelly's baby daddy. i didn't like that because i ship for brenda and dylan. i hate bitches who steal their friends boyfriends. die kelly taylor! brenda looks sooooo much better anyway, kelly is fattish and has bad hair. looooook i put on makeup!
i feel bored. it means it's an andrea zuckerman kinda day!
which means i found glasses with no lenses and accidentally fooled almost all my main hoes (morgan, claire, marco, adam) into thinking i wore them for real. they even complimented me!
i think the glasses are a winner.
anyway we watched the new 90210 and found out dylan is kelly's baby daddy. i didn't like that because i ship for brenda and dylan. i hate bitches who steal their friends boyfriends. die kelly taylor! brenda looks sooooo much better anyway, kelly is fattish and has bad hair. looooook i put on makeup!
Monday, September 15, 2008
gossip cougars
ok so come on people
vanessa, the supposed-to-be punky girl, is totally going to bone dan's dad!
and i love blair and chuck can't wait for them to bone again.
ooo a blackout.
i'm really torn about the older ho who nate is boning
she's kind of a creep but also, ya know
ok serena and dan are not done for good
they're just immature babies
gross dan and vanessa even talking makes me nauseous
ok she is a bitch. the cougar. but she's still fierce
how long will they keep me watching for a hope of a blair and chuck (they remind me of a couple i used to know) bone?
who can say.
the point is OLD SERENA is back next week and i am ready.
vanessa, the supposed-to-be punky girl, is totally going to bone dan's dad!
and i love blair and chuck can't wait for them to bone again.
ooo a blackout.
i'm really torn about the older ho who nate is boning
she's kind of a creep but also, ya know
ok serena and dan are not done for good
they're just immature babies
gross dan and vanessa even talking makes me nauseous
ok she is a bitch. the cougar. but she's still fierce
how long will they keep me watching for a hope of a blair and chuck (they remind me of a couple i used to know) bone?
who can say.
the point is OLD SERENA is back next week and i am ready.
DOMINION
i'm listening to "dominion" by sisters of mercy playing at an underground club in the original 90210. made my day. love that gothic rock.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE
i am drunk, back at home, and watching my favorite show, real time with bill maher
tim kaine, the democratic governor of virginia is the live video feed guest, and damn, is he ever a good guest
new rule: stop saying we can't impeach george bush, we still have two months!
and plenty others
"i think democrats underestimate her at their peril"
that shit was said by a wise npr commentator, who also happens to be a black woman (michel martin) on the show about SARAH PALIN
BE VERY AWARE, SARAH PALIN IS DANGEROUS EVEN THOUGH I LOVE HER
i am disgusted that mccain is taking almost half the country in these polls
WAKE UP!
i want you to get up now!
I'M as MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE this ANYMORE!
network is one of my favorite movies. watch it.
tim kaine, the democratic governor of virginia is the live video feed guest, and damn, is he ever a good guest
new rule: stop saying we can't impeach george bush, we still have two months!
and plenty others
"i think democrats underestimate her at their peril"
that shit was said by a wise npr commentator, who also happens to be a black woman (michel martin) on the show about SARAH PALIN
BE VERY AWARE, SARAH PALIN IS DANGEROUS EVEN THOUGH I LOVE HER
i am disgusted that mccain is taking almost half the country in these polls
WAKE UP!
i want you to get up now!
I'M as MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE this ANYMORE!
network is one of my favorite movies. watch it.
Friday, September 12, 2008
ONE DAY MORE
THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!
ONE DAY MORE FROM LES MIS AT THE BARACK CAMPAIGN HQ.
(thanks to dan savage)
planned parenthood knows how to fuck mccain
planned parenthood attacks mccain and hits the nail on the head about the whole "obama wants to sex up our kids" bullshit
Thursday, September 11, 2008
a heartfelt tribute
See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die
hell yes! gina gershon, star of such classic cinema as my favorite mess of a movie, SHOWGIRLS!!! and also the sexy hasidic jewish washerwoman on curb your enthusiasm takes on the role of a lifetime, SARAH PALIN!
RAPTUROUS RASPUTINA!
so apparently i was living under a rock and missed a new rasputina album that came out about a year ago. i downloaded it all from this kind person's blog. DO IT! IT FUCKING RULES! melora creager, cellist and amazing singer/songwriter, chooses to focus on current events rather than her usual historic topics, and it works SO FUCKING HARD!
YAY.
if you don't get it, when you get to the page with just the mp3 file playing, open up the "file" menu on your mac (i don't know if this works on pcs because, honestly, what does?) and choose "save page as" and then DO IT. simply open in your itunes and you are fucking set.
a woman(?) after my own heart
palin opinions are the theme for the day. i'll have you all know that i put the palin newsweek cover in one of the nine windows on my front door, adding my hot and messy love to the following:
the best cover us weekly has ever done about britney spears
the stolen dvd insert from casino, a true american masterpiece
some sandman postcards, most of which are part of the big collage. o, you don't know from the big collage? almost my entire house is covered with it. here's part of one wall:
back to the door.
this lovely watercolor is punctuated by the text at the bottom: "Sorry for not having written you for such a long time. Stay metal!"
an important question to ask yourself.
so finally, here's the newsweek cover!
bitchezzzz
matt damon dumps on palin
the man is correct. sarah i love you but i'd love you more if you got in a snowmobiling accident and lost all motor function!
by the way i'm auditioning for brundibar, the operetta, at dutchess tonight. wish me a broken leg.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
big gay crush of the day AND OTHER SHIT
my big gay crush of the day is the hot piece who plays "silver" on the new 90210. her eyes are hypnotizing me. i could never have a crush on shenae because she is my darceadoo on degrassi and she's a hot MESS! i'm glad of her success, but jessica stroup is the important one. i like the drug addict popular girl with the bangs, but jessica is the one i want to love me longtime!
UPDATE: she is also on the beginning of trueblood, the AMAZING new vampire show from hbo. morgan and i watched the first episode. i love anna paquin, her saucy black friend, her murderous brother, her pice old granny, and of course the dead sexy vamp! A+ motherfuckers!
and yeah, HBO is back, with new episodes of my favorite piece of self-indulgent liberal crap, REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER! YES!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
ooo thank heaven!
DAMN
i just finished heavenly creatures, and i can safely say that it is now my second favorite movie, unseating terror firmer from its 7 year stranglehold on number two, just beat out by natural born killers of course (that will NEVER change)
interesting enough, as the true story of natural born killers is one of my favorite murder narratives (all of my favorite movies involve murder: nbk, this one, terror firmer, american psycho, chinatown, unforgiven, etc), and so is the true story of pauline parker and juliet hulme, upon which this film was based.
it was fucking amazing
kate winslet and melanie lynskey (my second favorite character on two and a half men) are perfectly charming and terrifying as a couple of young, infirm girls experiencing their first love, and creating a fantasy world to which they almost entirely retreat
if you know anything about the story, or if you kind of understood the first scene, you know that the lovely young ladies off melanie's mom when she is perceived as the one to blame for the girls' impending separation. the murder scene was literally the most chilling i have ever seen, and the buildup was exquisite
all the diary entries that lynskey narrates with come straight out of pauline parker's actual diaries, giving the film a more personal and terrifying feeling
the scenes with the animated clay figures from pauline and juliet's imaginary land of borovnia are breathtaking. the high drama of the music and the surreal shooting create such a perfect ambiance. this fucking film is perfect.
i just finished heavenly creatures, and i can safely say that it is now my second favorite movie, unseating terror firmer from its 7 year stranglehold on number two, just beat out by natural born killers of course (that will NEVER change)
interesting enough, as the true story of natural born killers is one of my favorite murder narratives (all of my favorite movies involve murder: nbk, this one, terror firmer, american psycho, chinatown, unforgiven, etc), and so is the true story of pauline parker and juliet hulme, upon which this film was based.
it was fucking amazing
kate winslet and melanie lynskey (my second favorite character on two and a half men) are perfectly charming and terrifying as a couple of young, infirm girls experiencing their first love, and creating a fantasy world to which they almost entirely retreat
if you know anything about the story, or if you kind of understood the first scene, you know that the lovely young ladies off melanie's mom when she is perceived as the one to blame for the girls' impending separation. the murder scene was literally the most chilling i have ever seen, and the buildup was exquisite
all the diary entries that lynskey narrates with come straight out of pauline parker's actual diaries, giving the film a more personal and terrifying feeling
the scenes with the animated clay figures from pauline and juliet's imaginary land of borovnia are breathtaking. the high drama of the music and the surreal shooting create such a perfect ambiance. this fucking film is perfect.
nightmares!
i had a dream last night that sarah palin declined the nightmare.
fuck that, it was a nightmare!
i also got pretty wastey and saw broken social scene perform outside the ta's at vassar
they have the dumbest name of any band ever but it was still fun
then there was a huge th party and that was fun. unfortunately i lost my phone, but it was fun to see everyone after summer
fuck that, it was a nightmare!
i also got pretty wastey and saw broken social scene perform outside the ta's at vassar
they have the dumbest name of any band ever but it was still fun
then there was a huge th party and that was fun. unfortunately i lost my phone, but it was fun to see everyone after summer
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
the most amazing woman in america
ok, by popular request, here it is
my big gay crush of the week is none other than exquisite vice-presidential nominee, sarah palin!
this hot mess is pretty much the nail in the coffin for good old mccain (like he needs any help that coffin is ready at all times to accept him) and these are the reasons i love her:
bitch looks just like andrea zuckerman, i just want to see her throw herself at jason priestley and his hot beard
she has a little baby with down syndrome (trig) who no one had seen pictures of until she and he were photographed for no less than FOUR celebrity weekly covers this week
everyone thought this baby was actually born to her 17 year old daughter, bristol, until they went public this week with the fact that brissy is pregnant NOW, knocked up by a cute redneck hockey player from her high school. supposedly the kids are to be wed. palin is adamantly against sex education in schools. oops!
she used to be involved with the alaskan independent party, one of the major tenets of which is that alaska should be allowed to secede from the union!
she has zero foreign policy experience and has been to a grand total of three foreign countries
she loves the outdoors because it provides her with her favorite hobbies: hunting, fishing, and snowmobiling
she was mayor of a town with less than 9,000 people before becoming governor of one of the least populated states in the union. she's been governor for a year and a half (and obama is inexperienced?)
it's so charming how all the republican talking heads have established these double standards for her
i must take a shower and shit but you know i will update this shit later
unqualified and out of control! sarah palin, you girl gone wild (and andrea zuckerman clone), you are my big gay crush of the week!
(funny poster stolen with love from perez)
america's next top model!!!
marjorie is my initial favorite, an awkward cutie from france, but i do love the asian girl from harlem, and, of course, isis, the pre-op tranny
she has a penis!
niiiice
there always has to be someone for the other girls to be offensive to
heather, the girl with asbergers, was one of my favorites ever
the first hour was fun and super cheesy, now they're doing a voting themed photo shoot
whitney is such a great covergirl i'm so glad she won even if it was planned
oo elina is good too, pale with dark hair and dark eyes
ew the girls are being rude to isis during her shoot
ooo analeigh is a beauty i like her too
damn isis' photo is fucking fierce! it's creative, i think she should win the shoot
aww ok marjorie won that's fine with me
i watched the new 90210
they didn't follow through with a lot of plot stuff and the music sounded like a nonstop itunes commercial but i liked it and of course i love shenae so cooool
she has a penis!
niiiice
there always has to be someone for the other girls to be offensive to
heather, the girl with asbergers, was one of my favorites ever
the first hour was fun and super cheesy, now they're doing a voting themed photo shoot
whitney is such a great covergirl i'm so glad she won even if it was planned
oo elina is good too, pale with dark hair and dark eyes
ew the girls are being rude to isis during her shoot
ooo analeigh is a beauty i like her too
damn isis' photo is fucking fierce! it's creative, i think she should win the shoot
aww ok marjorie won that's fine with me
i watched the new 90210
they didn't follow through with a lot of plot stuff and the music sounded like a nonstop itunes commercial but i liked it and of course i love shenae so cooool
Monday, September 1, 2008
amy amy amy! no no noooooooo
ok i don't believe in weed overdoses, but one of amy's friends spoke out to the press recently about her supposedly having one after smoking for 36 hours straight. ummm, wouldn't it more likely be related to being up for 36 hours straight and ALL THE OTHER DRUGS SHE DOES? fucking dumbass. anyway, as you may or may not know i fucking adore amy's music, her look, her essence. i love amy winehouse, and i'm very afraid she is going to die. this is the distressing stuff:
"The 'friend' shed some light on Crackhouse's crystal meth binges and said that a 36-HOUR pot marathon is what dealt the final blow to her brain. We know many people don't believe there's such a thing as pot overdosing, but UK medics have said Wino WAS likely damaged by a cannabis overdose and that explains her display of symptoms normally associated with schizophrenia.
Her first overdose in August 2007 was reportedly from cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth. Afterward, she was supposedly advised to see a psychiatrist after "displaying “multiple personality traits” that made her a suicide risk." Overdose number two came in July this year when she supposedly smoked an “inhuman” amount of hash that left her vomiting uncontrollably and hallucinating."
from perez.
AMY: CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND DON'T DIE. wouldn't that just be topper to a two year streak of dying friends and family (the count is eight now i believe).then of course all the other dead artists: george carlin, heath ledger, isaac hayes.
ooo ok i just saw the new preview for this season of desperate housewives (aka despote) it made me happy. just cause i'm upset about amy doesn't mean i'm in a shitty mood, although i spent hours puking this morning. i was pretty drunk when i got to vassar last night, and i then proceeded to lead my team to failure in flipcup, although i was the fastest person to do my initial flip which was how i got to be team captain. i think it was the first time i've ever been team captain of anything hahaha. i had to bounce from the townhouses at 6 am because i was going to puke everywhere. i had to open the car door on the way back and vom on the road, then i puked my way through a little sleep, some csi, and finally came 90210 to marathon on my screen and make my tummy better. in an hour and a half morgan and ilena and i will be watching the gossip girl premiere, so i won't be liveblogging it but you can expect a review and all the spoilers. i'll also be watching the new 90210 premiere tomorrow with a bunch of people, maybe over at vassar. shit i have other plans tomorrow! hmmmmm. anyway, i leave you with a quote from my friend emily about my activities of late:
"You are hilarious and an inspiration to all"
"The 'friend' shed some light on Crackhouse's crystal meth binges and said that a 36-HOUR pot marathon is what dealt the final blow to her brain. We know many people don't believe there's such a thing as pot overdosing, but UK medics have said Wino WAS likely damaged by a cannabis overdose and that explains her display of symptoms normally associated with schizophrenia.
Her first overdose in August 2007 was reportedly from cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth. Afterward, she was supposedly advised to see a psychiatrist after "displaying “multiple personality traits” that made her a suicide risk." Overdose number two came in July this year when she supposedly smoked an “inhuman” amount of hash that left her vomiting uncontrollably and hallucinating."
from perez.
AMY: CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND DON'T DIE. wouldn't that just be topper to a two year streak of dying friends and family (the count is eight now i believe).then of course all the other dead artists: george carlin, heath ledger, isaac hayes.
ooo ok i just saw the new preview for this season of desperate housewives (aka despote) it made me happy. just cause i'm upset about amy doesn't mean i'm in a shitty mood, although i spent hours puking this morning. i was pretty drunk when i got to vassar last night, and i then proceeded to lead my team to failure in flipcup, although i was the fastest person to do my initial flip which was how i got to be team captain. i think it was the first time i've ever been team captain of anything hahaha. i had to bounce from the townhouses at 6 am because i was going to puke everywhere. i had to open the car door on the way back and vom on the road, then i puked my way through a little sleep, some csi, and finally came 90210 to marathon on my screen and make my tummy better. in an hour and a half morgan and ilena and i will be watching the gossip girl premiere, so i won't be liveblogging it but you can expect a review and all the spoilers. i'll also be watching the new 90210 premiere tomorrow with a bunch of people, maybe over at vassar. shit i have other plans tomorrow! hmmmmm. anyway, i leave you with a quote from my friend emily about my activities of late:
"You are hilarious and an inspiration to all"
Sunday, August 31, 2008
my paean to cracked.com
i love cracked.com, and the best part about the website is their weekly photoshop contests. this week's really took the cake, so check out "10 important news stories as depicted by 5-year olds."
Saturday, August 30, 2008
kermit bale!
this is a fucking hilarious website that postulates that kermit and my one true love christian bale are the same person/being
why i don't miss high school as much as i think
so strangely enough i've been hanging out with a couple teenagers lately. i think i can safely say that i met one of the most obnoxious kids i've ever run into in my life last night. he was in over his head in the coolness factor and he would not SHUT UP. he would talk about nothing and say all the most absurd shit like "i'm a different person when i drink" after one beer, and asking me about the "different kinds of drunk" you get. he called asbergers "aspy" (his brother is apparently way aspy). he started listing the drugs that his siblings were on wanting to know if any of them were cool. they were not, like lithium and lamictal and zoloft. are you kidding me? he talked about weed constantly and of course smoking occurred at some point and he was like "i like some weed better than others. there are two kinds, indica and sativa, which kind is this?". i was like "are you fucking kidding me? it's called the lorax and no one asks if the shit they are buying is indica or sativa". i don't know how else to describe the kind of annoying yesman this kid was, except to say that his nickname is fetus, and he tried to make it appear better by saying he spelled it with a ph. regardless, the other kids were cool and it would have been a pretty perfect evening minus that kid. but i'm going to work that into the play production piece in some way, and he could be a good one shot character for the high school teleplay. it makes people a lot more bearable if you think of the obnoxious ones as material.
this came to me from moveon.org today.
"Who is Sarah Palin? Here's some basic background:
She was elected Alaska's governor a little over a year and a half ago. Her previous office was mayor of Wasilla, a small town outside Anchorage. She has no foreign policy experience.1
Palin is strongly anti-choice, opposing abortion even in the case of rape or incest.2
She supported right-wing extremist Pat Buchanan for president in 2000. 3
Palin thinks creationism should be taught in public schools.4
She's doesn't think humans are the cause of climate change.5
She's solidly in line with John McCain's "Big Oil first" energy policy. She's pushed hard for more oil drilling and says renewables won't be ready for years. She also sued the Bush administration for listing polar bears as an endangered species—she was worried it would interfere with more oil drilling in Alaska.6
How closely did John McCain vet this choice? He met Sarah Palin once at a meeting. They spoke a second time, last Sunday, when he called her about being vice-president. Then he offered her the position.7"
the choice is offensive to thinking americans and a transparent play for hillary supporters. there was seriously not a more qualified woman he could find? what a dumbass. he'd die in office and this bitch (and he says obama is inexperienced?) would become president. are you kidding me? plus:
DO YOU REALLY WANT THE OLDEST KID AT WEST BEVERLY HIGH IN THE WHITE HOUSE???
in other, better news, the democratic national convention was great, moved me to tears occasionally because i'm a fucking sucker. i was nationalistic orgasming when michelle obama spoke (i fucking love her), obama's little girls are so damn cute (it's going to be rough on them to grow up in today's media culture) and his speech was freaking great. i'm very excited for november.
She was elected Alaska's governor a little over a year and a half ago. Her previous office was mayor of Wasilla, a small town outside Anchorage. She has no foreign policy experience.1
Palin is strongly anti-choice, opposing abortion even in the case of rape or incest.2
She supported right-wing extremist Pat Buchanan for president in 2000. 3
Palin thinks creationism should be taught in public schools.4
She's doesn't think humans are the cause of climate change.5
She's solidly in line with John McCain's "Big Oil first" energy policy. She's pushed hard for more oil drilling and says renewables won't be ready for years. She also sued the Bush administration for listing polar bears as an endangered species—she was worried it would interfere with more oil drilling in Alaska.6
How closely did John McCain vet this choice? He met Sarah Palin once at a meeting. They spoke a second time, last Sunday, when he called her about being vice-president. Then he offered her the position.7"
the choice is offensive to thinking americans and a transparent play for hillary supporters. there was seriously not a more qualified woman he could find? what a dumbass. he'd die in office and this bitch (and he says obama is inexperienced?) would become president. are you kidding me? plus:
DO YOU REALLY WANT THE OLDEST KID AT WEST BEVERLY HIGH IN THE WHITE HOUSE???in other, better news, the democratic national convention was great, moved me to tears occasionally because i'm a fucking sucker. i was nationalistic orgasming when michelle obama spoke (i fucking love her), obama's little girls are so damn cute (it's going to be rough on them to grow up in today's media culture) and his speech was freaking great. i'm very excited for november.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
nerds and other things i like
this kid is my favorite. he's in a movie called Drakmar: A Vassal's Journey, which it seems is about this kid being a nerdy rpger, which makes me happy. i swear i'll write more in here but i just started school so i've been spending time in class, getting an external hard drive for my film shit, hanging out with one high schooler, and seeing all the kids up at vassar. this is like the only day i get to watch both hours of 90210. ok this bothers me, i really want to like andrea zuckerman but she's just so damn old! gabrielle carteris is 29 at the beginning of the first season. when i make my high school show i'm going to have everyone look and act reasonably high school. speaking of which, in my play production class, we are developing a show to perform for local high schools about relevant issues. i'm in charge of the multimedia shit (film that we'll project behind the actors) and also our section on suicide. i'm looking forward to it. my term is a fucking joke, but a happy one. play production, film editing, acting, doing the play, and voice lessons are my credits for a full term, hooray.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
the rocker
i need to record here that, as you know, i am gay for obama, but now i'm also BI FOR BIDEN!
see, it expresses that i'm head over heels for obama, but not committed yet to biden, but i'm willing to explore him. and, of course, it's clever and cheeky. i'm thinking a bumper sticker, to add to my new beauty, "mom@stressedout.com", the dorkiest thing ever to adhere to a vehicle. additionally, i saw the rocker tonight with a younger friend (i feel like a sex criminal every time i hang out with this kid. he's 16 for the record.) and it was a good time. it was a charming movie that didn't fully mature, and didn't fully flesh out characters played by such great comedians as jane lynch, jeff garlin, christina applegate and will arnett. rainn wilson, however, was cast to perfection. every smash he makes on the drums elicits another hilarious facial expression, and i found myself thanking the god of cinema that they didn't cast will ferrell or some other less nuanced comic as the lead. don't get me wrong, will ferrell is frequently appropriate, but the joke is wayyy past its prime as far as his post-pubescent manchild thing goes. why is that such a popular concept in hollywood? anyway the plot required a certain level of suspension of disbelief, especially to someone who knows quite a few aspiring music stars. the most natural thing about it, honestly, was the romance between the bassist (emma stone!) and her real life boyfriend, the tortured lead singer. it made me feel warm and nice inside. anyway time for me to hit the bong and then the sack.
topic for tomorrow: my arguments with chris
(picture lovingly stolen from here)
Friday, August 22, 2008
hilarious name of the week
this is old but it still needs to be posted:
semen poltavsky!
this bitch was born in odessa, soviet union
AND HIS FUCKING NAME IS SEMEN
he was on the russian olympic volleyball team
which lost to us
sorry i have been remiss in my blogging duties
life required a little more living than usual
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
a hot lesbian date
so emily's restaurant couldn't seat us for like half an hour.
i don't know if anyone is familiar with how much i hate waiting for shit at restaurants, but i fucking hate restaurants
so natalie and i bounced to this lovely thai place called "rabieng"
we got a couple of looks, and then, when we ordered, they had me order for us
apparently, it was date night at the restaurant and if one ordered $30 worth of food (pretty fucking easy) the couple of ya would get a free bottle of wine
so i ordered the wine, and when it came the waiter showed it to me, i nodded, he poured a little in my glass for me to taste, i nodded again, and they poured a whole glass for natalie and then me.
then he brought the check to me!
now it's not the fact that he thought we were a gay couple that makes this story hilarious, although at a distance people often mistake me and natalie for each other (she's the full color version and i'm the black and white)
it's the fact that he assumed that we had a bitch and a butch in our relationship, and the fact that if we were in a relationship we might take these roles
but it's pretty interesting to assume that a pair of lesbians have male and female roles in their relationship, and it would in fact piss off most lesbians i know
but kudos to the thai restaurant for being so forward thinking, the thai's craziest thing is the abundance of ladymen back in the home country
so i ordered the wine, and when it came the waiter showed it to me, i nodded, he poured a little in my glass for me to taste, i nodded again, and they poured a whole glass for natalie and then me.
then he brought the check to me!
now it's not the fact that he thought we were a gay couple that makes this story hilarious, although at a distance people often mistake me and natalie for each other (she's the full color version and i'm the black and white)
it's the fact that he assumed that we had a bitch and a butch in our relationship, and the fact that if we were in a relationship we might take these roles
but it's pretty interesting to assume that a pair of lesbians have male and female roles in their relationship, and it would in fact piss off most lesbians i know
but kudos to the thai restaurant for being so forward thinking, the thai's craziest thing is the abundance of ladymen back in the home country
now we're screaming!!!
Monday, August 18, 2008
MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY
cloris leachman!
she was fucking hilarious on the comedy central roast of bob saget tonight, and also the butt of such fabulous jokes about her age as "shakespeare did her in the park!" (my personal favorite of the whole evening)
some things i knew:
she's fucking hilarious as frau blucher in young frankenstein, when horses neigh every time her name is uttered, and asks gene wilder if he'd like some "varm milk?"
she's done a lot of shit and won an oscar
some things i didn't know:
she was on mary tyler moore
she's won more emmys than any other actress
she was in butch cassidy and the sundance kid
she's 82!
damn, girl looks better than my 67 year old stepdad!
wayyyy better
but i suppose i'm biased because i don't like my stepdad and i fucking love cloris
but i suppose i'm biased because i don't like my stepdad and i fucking love cloris
anyway, i'd hit it, her vag is practically legendary.
also i went to see the dark knight in imax tonight
and I RODE ON A MOTORCYCLE FOR THE FIRST TIME!
on the way to the theatre i was terrified
but on the way back i got into it and felt like a badass
the movie is just as good the second time, being in the second row didn't change that
imax rules!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
quote of the day
we've been waiting for the phelps since 8 pm
a degrassi marathon helped us through
but i just had to mention that the announcer just called the 500m race we're watching right now "the superbowl of sports"
...
edit: we watched the penultimate race. honestly, i am pretty radical politically but sometimes i'm proud to be an american, and phelpsy brings that shit out in me
during the relay race that won him his eighth gold medal at these games, when the other swimmers would go, i was like "come on, you owe it to phelpsy!"
and all of them were so humble when they won. but honestly, phelps, in the looks department, has nothing on the three beautiful black girls who kicked ass in the 400 meter hurdle dash
i'll find some pics of them later, and you'll thank me
a degrassi marathon helped us through
but i just had to mention that the announcer just called the 500m race we're watching right now "the superbowl of sports"
...
edit: we watched the penultimate race. honestly, i am pretty radical politically but sometimes i'm proud to be an american, and phelpsy brings that shit out in me
during the relay race that won him his eighth gold medal at these games, when the other swimmers would go, i was like "come on, you owe it to phelpsy!"
and all of them were so humble when they won. but honestly, phelps, in the looks department, has nothing on the three beautiful black girls who kicked ass in the 400 meter hurdle dash
i'll find some pics of them later, and you'll thank me
lick it bitch!
i'm a fan of covers, and this is one of the coolest covers i've heard ever,
this madison gal kinda reminds me of pj harvey, doing her badass version of lil wayne's "lollipop"
this madison gal kinda reminds me of pj harvey, doing her badass version of lil wayne's "lollipop"
Thursday, August 14, 2008
ROBERT DOWNEY JR IS MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE WEEK
ok anyone who has ever met me probably knows that my biggest love on the silver screen is
ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
i was first introduced to his "ness" (my word for essence) in my favorite film of all time (all together now:)
NATURAL BORN KILLERS.
i own three copies of this film, because one time i lost one, and the first version i bought was not the directors cut, which has tommy lee jones' head on a stake outside the prison, and woody harrelson raping the hostage that it's implied he rapes in the r-rated film.
the worst mistake of my life?
that i bought the r-rated version of terror firmer
the first thing that happens in this, my second favorite film, is that some sleazy dude says to the transsexual serial killer "mmm just the kind of king size pussy that i like!" and the bitch tears off his leg as he cries "hey that's my leg!"
in the r-rated version, "pussy" is bleeped, and there is a huge box that says "censored" over the severance of the leg
the rest of the film continues with the director, lloyd kaufman, commenting in the corner
it's safe to say i only last about five minutes with this
I NEED THE X-RATED VERSION!
I NEED THE X-RATED VERSION!
ok sorry too much vodka to focus on my objective with this post, which is to discuss RDJ, also known as "wayne gale!"
he apparently thought up the idea of that character, host of the sensationalistic show "american psychos" in NBK, would be australian. it makes him very funny, and very sexy, especially as he becomes a willing accomplice in mickey and mallory's murders to escape from prison in the second act of this flawless film.
apparently he was nominated for an oscar for his portrayal of charlie chaplin in the eponymous film
he also charmed my pants off as a fucking crazy druggie in a scanner darkly, which features the coolest animation of any film i've ever seen
by the way, who the fuck borrowed waking life from me? i forgot!
uh oh RDJ back on tv intermission
ooo jay baruchel
o shit justin theroux worked on tropic thunder, as co-writer/producer! that's fucking awesome. he is most famous with me (phrase courtesy of my old southern paw) for being in mulholland drive, david lynch's lesbian mindfuck, as the cuckolded director
anyway i like jay baruchel, he's such a cute jewish hippiepunk stoner.
but RDJ!
he did lots of drugs and that's obviously hot
he's sober now and working hard, which would be less hot if he was
i still need to see iron man, but i won't miss his ass in tropic thunder, that's for sure
i still need to see iron man, but i won't miss his ass in tropic thunder, that's for sure
I LOVE YOU FOREVER ROBERT DOWNEY JUNIOR! YOU ARE MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE WEEK!
(PIC LOVINGLY STOLEN FROM WIKIPEDIA)
heard on the colbert report:
a giant inflatable turd brought down a power line after escaping from a swiss museum!!!
MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY
nastia liukin!
she is currently in second place in the all-around women's gymnastics final, and she's got hips and boobs under her shiny pink leotard!
she also has that undeniably ugly yet oh so attractive hipster-bump with her bangs (i mean so does sean johnson but she's one stocky little thing)
o wow these gals just won first and second place, nastia in first obviously, only gold caliber bitches for me
fuck that, platinum!
her performance in the final floor challenge was beautiful, i pity anyone
anyway she just sent out her first text message from china, apparently, clearly to me
her parents were Soviet champion gymnasts so she's the product of eugenics
we can roleplay wwII scenarios in the bedroom
these posts are just getting worse and worse aren't they
anyway, anastasia liukin, you can text me anytime, because you're MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY!
serial killers out for the phelps!
ok, when you go to michael phelps wikipedia page, this is what happens:
for the record, the top part reads "This is the Zodiac speaking. Do you think you cowards can run from me? No you cannot for I am above mortal things."
now it's fixed but man it was creepy
i realize now it was probably some weirdo who likes serial killer shit (not like natural born killers or oz or anything, right?) but my friends and i just smoked a cross joint, which i constructed using two joints, cutting semicircles out of their middles and nestling them into each other at the center, then wrapping the center with a couple of strips of the glue on rolling papers. anyway said cross joint totally worked and totally convinced me that the zodiac killer was on wikipedia!
now we're watching gymnastics on the olympics, the little chinese girl with no chin scored wayyy too high after fucking up on the beam
and bela carollo or whoever is covering the olympics with bob costas (my friend says he used to coach the us women's team) just said "you go girlfriend" in this fabulous accent to the american girl with the hipster bump in the front of her hair
man the olympics are fuN!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
MY BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY
"i'll hide the afikomen in a very special spot"
chelsea handler!
i fucking love this jersey jew
she should get an hourlong show for sho.
"she was a ho. for sho."
best line from forty year old virgin
am i drunken?
yes! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
chelsea handler!
i fucking love this jersey jew
she should get an hourlong show for sho.
"she was a ho. for sho."
best line from forty year old virgin
am i drunken?
yes! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
(pic lovingly stolen from e!'s website)
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY
WANDA SYKES!
"i hate all that damn driving, it interferes with my drinking!" she just said on the standup special i'm enjoying on comedy central
i have loved her forever, basically since crank yankers. i have to find the clip.
found it!
she's fucking hilarious on curb your enthusiasm, where she seems to constantly be around when larry david awkwardly interacts with black characters
she's elaine's best friend on the new adventures of old christineand she does the funniest female standup i have ever seen
wanda sykes, please bone me.
you are my BIG GAY CRUSH OF THE DAY!
QUITE A NIGHT & nick and nora's infinite hipster douchiness
we saw quite a few previews tonight before pineapple express
watchmen was not one of them, to the great disappoinment of the fanboy/girls among us
one, however, left all of us feeling hipster-raped
"nick and nora's infinite playlist"
first off, i hate kat dennings
she's one of those actresses whose career i should be having
if you have met me you may understand, but i want to do her gothy angst thing onscreen before i get too old
and then, the music, the michael cera, the car
at the beginning of the trailer i said "is this a sequel to juno?"
and upon learning the title, one of my friends said "they may as well have called it 'our iphone 3gs'"
that was funny
it was funnier because my friend and i smoked a joint in the bathroom at the regal cinemas before the film, and when the security dude came through the theatre with his extendable red lightsaber thingy (there's a similar mechanism in my dad's basement, where i am broadcasting from if you hadn't gotten that yet) we were both terrified.
he just told some bitches to turn their phones off
and some dumb teenager brought her baby to the theatre, and you better believe it was old enough to cry, but when it stopped crying it started quoting the movie!
all the teenagers with the teen mom (there were like six) were having full blown conversations til my big latina friend was like "shut the fuck up!"
it was pretty funny, that was when the baby stopped crying
but yeah, the baby started repeating things from the movie, and the teenybopper squad started laughing! that kid is going to be like "fuck the police, i'm gonna tear that ass up" next time teenmom sees her parents and they're not going to be pleased.
then after the movie this crazy cool black lady followed us telling us about crooked cops and how that was the funniest movie she'd ever seen.
she also talked a lot about how lesbians wanted her ass and how she loved the d.
i said "don't we all"
we laughed a ton with her, and when we finally got out of the mall (it wasn't looking good there for a minute) she said we should all get together and laugh again, and who should we see, but the teenmom and her bitches! we laughed at them, and then continued home, in one of my friends terrifyingly huge truck
some teeny car stopped in the road in front of us and i was sure the truck was going to eat the little car
one of my friends screamed, it felt like we were in... a stoner action film!
see pineapple express, even funnier the second time!
anyway it was quite a night, that's for sure.
watchmen was not one of them, to the great disappoinment of the fanboy/girls among us
one, however, left all of us feeling hipster-raped
"nick and nora's infinite playlist"
first off, i hate kat dennings
she's one of those actresses whose career i should be having
if you have met me you may understand, but i want to do her gothy angst thing onscreen before i get too old
and then, the music, the michael cera, the car
at the beginning of the trailer i said "is this a sequel to juno?"
and upon learning the title, one of my friends said "they may as well have called it 'our iphone 3gs'"
that was funny
it was funnier because my friend and i smoked a joint in the bathroom at the regal cinemas before the film, and when the security dude came through the theatre with his extendable red lightsaber thingy (there's a similar mechanism in my dad's basement, where i am broadcasting from if you hadn't gotten that yet) we were both terrified.
he just told some bitches to turn their phones off
and some dumb teenager brought her baby to the theatre, and you better believe it was old enough to cry, but when it stopped crying it started quoting the movie!
all the teenagers with the teen mom (there were like six) were having full blown conversations til my big latina friend was like "shut the fuck up!"
it was pretty funny, that was when the baby stopped crying
but yeah, the baby started repeating things from the movie, and the teenybopper squad started laughing! that kid is going to be like "fuck the police, i'm gonna tear that ass up" next time teenmom sees her parents and they're not going to be pleased.
then after the movie this crazy cool black lady followed us telling us about crooked cops and how that was the funniest movie she'd ever seen.
she also talked a lot about how lesbians wanted her ass and how she loved the d.
i said "don't we all"
we laughed a ton with her, and when we finally got out of the mall (it wasn't looking good there for a minute) she said we should all get together and laugh again, and who should we see, but the teenmom and her bitches! we laughed at them, and then continued home, in one of my friends terrifyingly huge truck
some teeny car stopped in the road in front of us and i was sure the truck was going to eat the little car
one of my friends screamed, it felt like we were in... a stoner action film!
see pineapple express, even funnier the second time!
anyway it was quite a night, that's for sure.
evil cheney!
o my god!
my friends and i are watching the colbert report, back from a viewing of pineapple express, which was very eventful
but i had to get down that cheney looks like danny devito as the penguin from betman returns!!!
picture to come
my friends and i are watching the colbert report, back from a viewing of pineapple express, which was very eventful
but i had to get down that cheney looks like danny devito as the penguin from betman returns!!!
picture to come
Monday, August 11, 2008
my big gay crush of the day
is stephen colbert! i love him so
my plan is get famous and go on his show and ask him for a kiss
i like him too much to mess up his marriage, but a kiss would just be great
he's hilarious and just such a perfect character actor
i'd love to see him in more films
check him out in strangers with candy, starring alongside the exquisitely funny amy sedaris
tonight stephen colbert looks at medical marijuana, delving
"into this seedy, stemmy underworld to find the blunt truth. they filed this report, after eating a bag of cheetos and watching princess mononoke"
it was entertaining.supposedly maryland has legalized medicinal marijuana?
morgan! pretend to be sick!
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