Friday, January 30, 2009

conan and cave

i turned on an old episode of conan tonight, from the day after the vp debates (how time flies) and guess who the musical guest is?
NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS!
it must be fate

Thursday, January 29, 2009

things

some douchebag who created the innovative name "tobynelsonsucks" flamed me on youtube... on three separate videos. if my voice is so awful and i'm so ugly, why did they watch two more videos? and why so anonymous? i'd love to see the clips of your gorgeous self besting me in song! but for now i'll just settle for blocking.
anyway i got the last season of oz, heavenly creatures and delicatessan all on dvd for 55 dollars! barnes and noble (the one on 9, where it should be) has a sale through next week of buy two get the third free for dvds and box sets. o, and blu-ray! the indispensible blu-ray! something deep within my soul tells me that blu-ray will go the way of laserdiscs and zunes before not too long.
that's all less exciting than the fact that i went to a taping of the daily show with my neighbors. we took a train in, a beer spilled in my bag and all my money and my landlord's train pass and my phone got soaked. luckily they all ended up ok. the warmup guy was funny, and jon stewart was so good just answering questions from the audience before the taping started. there was this one guy who was like "why haven't you started shooting in hd yet? you're in 4x3." and stew responds "are you rainman?". the show was good, gwen ifill was good, i didn't get to see larry wilmore because the camera was in front of him, but it was fun. the extended conversation with stephen colbert was also really funny, and it was great to kind of be in live proximity to him. then we went drinking, and i didn't really eat and spent the whole trainride back puking. but it was worth it! and now i am SO OVER WAITING FOR SHIT OUTSIDE AND PUBLIC TRANSIT. the inaug and this wore me out, i'm not leaving poughkeepsie until i absolutely have to, and i'm staying inside. it's cold as shit! it was warmer in antarctica than it was in dc on inauguration day, a guy on npr said so! anyway i'm going to go over to the girls' house bye.

Friday, January 16, 2009

mostly bitching about work

O MY GOD at least work went by fast
josephine left early so i had both rooms of tables, and i was like "at least i won't be bored, and i'll make mad tips!"
well the tips sucked and so did a lot of the patrons
like half the people brought in outside drinks, which i told them to hide and finish quickly, and inevitably they wouldn't and sofia would get pissed and go tell them off. then they would complain to me, and i'd say "well i told you." and they were like "yeah you did.". so that was less annoying and more just kind of funny
slumdog millionaire (i meant to write a post about it and religulous because i saw them the past two days. anyway it was obviously the best film of the year, it was fucking fantastic. of course the end is unrealistic, it's a story about true love triumphing over all! and of dev patel being like a perfect human being. and the bollywood dance at the end! what a spectacle. it deserved every damn award it got. and who the hell does dev patel look like??? have i just seen him on skins? no, i think he looks like someone i know, specifically his smile.) made me in the mood for indian guys (the random exception to my pale with longish brown hair rule), and then the guy who looks like mohinder suresh came in, but we didn't really talk because i was busy as shit
SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT MY DREAM! this was the dream to end all dreams... i was somewhere where people were mad at me, some kind of camp/college where i was on an adventure, and having to move, and guess who i was hooking up with?
ROBERT DOWNEY JR!
we had to hide from his wife, and i spent a good portion of the dream looking for him, but i don't care. that was the first time i've hooked up with RDJ in dreamland, so hopefully it will enter the realm of things i can make happen when i have lucid dreams (usually when i realize i'm dreaming i have sex with as many women as possible)
anyway, then at work this guy, nicely, was basically like "so! bun in the oven?" and i was like "no i'm not pregnant.". he felt bad and was very nice to me, but the damage was done (i even have lost a few pounds! jesus people are presumptuous! i would NEVER say something like that to someone unless they had a fucking basketball belly... even then i might not). i bitched about it to sofia and she was like "well i told you so put a sweater on". so that was helpful.
the rest of the time was ok until these drunk ass bitches came in, with a cup of alcohol. we made her throw it away (after finishing it obv), but man those girls were so obnoxious. i told them the kitchen was closing, did they have any last orders, and after being drunk and indecisive for like five minutes, they ordered bbq wings. they repeated like 5 times that they wanted bbq wings. BBQ!!!!!!! ok? they even tell sofia. i go back and MAKE SURE manuel (the cook, a truly solid guy, platinum) knows these are BARBECUE WINGS!
i drop off the pizza their boyfriends ordered (which later one of the guy accuses me of taking before he finished), and the less drunk girl goes "i didn't order no pizza!". i let her friends explain. i return with the other guy's pizza and the girl's BARBEQUE WINGS.
the kitchen has been closed and manuel and umberto (the dishwasher, a lazy lech) and i are cleaning up in back. i come back out front and the drunk girl is talking with sofia. "i ordered bbq wings! these are spicy!" my boss is getting pissed, all "can't you listen?" like she does any time anyone messes anything up, to me, and i say "i know it was bbq wings. i told manuel it was bbq wings" and she's like you need to explain it better to him (his first language is spanish, hers is polish. i think his english comprehension is about equal to or better than hers, he's a citizen and she's not), and i said "i know i explained it to him. i came back in to doublecheck he knew it was bbq." the drunk bitch keeps going "it ain't bbq it's spicy. taste it!" neither sofia nor i want to taste it. i go to the back, and say "manuel, remember when i said the wings should be barbeque?" and he said "yeah i made them barbeque" and i said "I KNOW!!! this bitch is just drunk and confused!". which i repeated to sofia as she entered the back room. she was good enough to handle it after that point because it was obvious that i was both pissed, and correct. drunk girl's friends all came up and were like "o well we didn't know it would be spicy. make them normal" which manuel graciously did. i went and sat behind the counter for a bit to cool down, then put some songs on the jukebox. i went over to the rude bitches' corner, and was like "how is it?" and one of the girls was like "it fucking sucks." so i just walked away. when i came back the dude said the thing about his pizza. i just left them alone after that, and i got to leave. they were still there. i fucking hate some patrons.
but the stalkery one who called me like 5 times a day didn't come, which was nice, and when i saw him at the mall (i ran out of the store, because i recognized him from behind. then i put on glasses!), i don't think he saw me.
hahahaha ok that was one long bitch session. maybe i should rename this blog "toby likes to bitch"
i wish the pulled muscle in my shoulder wouldn't hurt so much.
anyway i'm auditioning for THE SOUND OF MUSIC tomorrow, so wish me a broken leg!
and go look at my youtube shit, i have four videos up so far and maybe more by tomorrow. i'll sing my audition song for one before i leave as practice.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

well it's been a raucous couple days as i learn how to use the various video software i've been meaning to master. and i got my first "video response" acceptance! the official venus in furs video has decided that i deserve to be referenced on their page! it's probably no big deal, but i have the most epic headache of my life just now so i'm unwilling to think too hard about anything. hooray!
http://www.youtube.com/user/facewoman

Venus in Furs



For the third installment in our singalong blog, Hiro and I take on Venus in Furs and it is FIERCE

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

TOBY AND HIRO'S SINGALONG BLOG

alright whores and slores! it's time to embrace the joy that is
TOBY AND HIRO'S SINGALONG BLOG!
here's the deal:
watch these fabulous videos of hiro and me on youtube
give me some constructive criticism or a little bit of honest praise
i'll decide from these what songs i'll work on to bring to american idol this summer
if someone decides to link to me, that'll be swell.
COME BRING ME YOUTUBE STARDOM


is it bad that chuy off of chelsea lately reminds me of one of the cooks at work? it's not in a bad way, chuy is funny as shit, but still.

dr. me's singalong blog and another rant about guys

alright, in honor of the fabulous and amazing dr. horrible's singalong blog, which i just got yesterday. god neil patrick harris is fucking great.
anyway to finish that first sentence (that never happens! me making an incomplete sentence? haha did it again) this bitch is about to become a singalong blog. haha that basically means that i'm going to make videos of myself singing shit for youtube and i want any of you hoes who may occasionally glance at this thing to give me an opinion on which songs are worth working on for my american idol audition this summer. unless it's constructive criticism, haters can suck it, i actually want some feedback. and if someone important notices me sounding and looking fierce on youtube, that'd be pretty cool too. i think the first one is going to be "you know i'm no good" by amy winehouse. dammit see what you made me do! i can't even watch a 30 rock before i go to work, i cut it too close! i'm still sick (the headache is fucking relentless especially) but into work i go, i cannot lose this damn job, i'd have nothing to fucking do! well i am auditioning for some shit but who ever knows if that'll work out. i just found out a good sounding prospect is a community theatre an hour away so all is not ever good here. hopefully that kid i'm trying to avoid won't come into work tonight but with my luck of course he will. man, if i don't return your calls for TWO WEEKS isn't that a good indication that i'm not interested? i guess some people just need you to be fucking rude to them to get it. also, i don't think i'm ever going to allow anyone to come over to my house ever again. i am one lazy bitch and so whenever someone's like "lets go hang out this place" i'm usually like "lets just watch a movie at my house", but if this practice is going to lead even two people to show up at my house unannounced, i think i must never do it again. nothing is more disconcerting than getting some fucking diet pepsi out of your car while you're sick and being ambushed in your driveway by some kid you've been giving the cold shoulder to. and maybe i wouldn't have given him the complete cold shoulder (my ever famous "we're not going to hook up" line is what i mean by a less complete cold shoulder) if he hadn't called me FIVE TIMES A DAY. ok sorry this blog is supposed to be about entertainment, and i have a feeling me bitching about guys is getting less and less entertaining all the time. i just don't want to date anyone who doesn't completely captivate me can't people get that? i'm too young to settle for someone not totally fascinating. sorry douchebags!
also i'm really pissed i was so sick and had to miss seeing EVERYONE for sarah's birthday, AND my mom and my sister. what a lame ass weekend. things aren't going well for the old girl honestly, and i broke a mirror and discovered a drawer i'd puked in on saturday morning. shit i've been ranting so hard i didn't realize it's now time for work. well that was effective i feel somewhat relieved. now time to face the world

Monday, January 12, 2009

bromance

is bromance supposed to be so gay?
it's fine if it is, i just don't understand.
the intense relationship implied is the least gay thing about
the most i think was the moment when brody is in the shower and sex music plays as he lathers up. his guy friends walk in, supposedly taking him by surprise, but it's clearly awkwardly scripted. he continues to rub soap on his body as he talks about preparing a challenge for his potential bros. it must be seen. or i suppose it should NEVER be seen and if you're not already invested avoid this piece of trash like... well the piece of trash that it is. i still hate the hills and the laguna beach thing and all of that. ugh. maybe i can't watch this. o well, i'm still sick as shit and i'll be heading off to be soon.
o man the dance guy.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

liveblogging the golden globes

so there's a lot of shit about fashion and all that stuff
i miss angelina's gothy punky lesbianish days. i understand that she's grown up and that's nice for her but man she was a badass
here we go: top five movie stoners!
5: mcconoghee in dazed and confused
4: brad on the couch in true romance
3: smokey from friday!
2: sean penn as spicoli in fast times as ridgemont high
1: the big lebowski. it's soooo weird how much old lebowski looks like patrick's dad.

hey, if tom cruise wins for his cameo in tropic thunder i'll puke. i may anyway god dammit i'm so sick. i have to go back to the bathroom literally every 15 minutes. i was considering going to a movie but that's just not going to work out. why is this weed so dry and crappy? it would be a different sick day with better weed. still awful, but easier.

i'm going to make a list of actresses i love and hate for kicks.

LOVE:
madeline kahn
kate hepburn
vivien leigh
kate winslet
cate blanchett
meryl streep
rosario dawson
melanie lynskey
chloe sevigny
tina fey
shirley maclaine
saint angelina
edie falco
amy sedaris
zhang ziyi
judi dench

HATE:
kate hudson
julia roberts
nicole kidman
sandra bullock

omg!!! the reader has kate winslet as a cougar! a hot nazi cougar! if you hadn't realized i can't resist anything involving cougars (my own life included), and when of my big three (kate, cate and meryl) does it up, hell yes, ie. cate in notes on a scandal.

the fellas:

LOVE:
CHRISTOPHER MELONI
robert downey jr.
philip seymour hoffman
marlon brando
jack lemmon
christian bale
edward norton
patrick wilson
samuel l. jackson
clint eastwood
alfred molina
ian mckellan
masi oka
charlie chaplin
tom waits
kyle machlachlan
william h. macy (and the pair of them, fillman h. muffman)
kevin spacey
javier bardem
jake epstein
angus t. jones (for serious.)

HATE:
tom cruise (except tropic thunder)
john travolta
mcconoghee (except tropic thunder)

AMBIVALENT:
leo dicaprio. he plays a seriously flawed character beautifully but bores me to tears as a normal guy. also he needs to work much more closely with his accent coaches because half the time he forgets where he came from.

ok jonathan rhys-meyers is stoned as shit.

NO! ONE OF THE LEADS OF HEROES IS LEAVING! i hope it's hayden hahaha she's so obnoxious. as long as it's not masi oka i'll be fine.

aw the slumdog millionaire people are so charming. if i feel well enough tomorrow i'm definitely going to see it.

ok hello again. i forgot how good spielberg's movies used to be! schindler's list and et and close encounters! indiana jones, private ryan, minority report! and those john williams scores, so soaring and inspiring.
god i love the movies. scorcese in his hipster glasses presenting the cecil b. demille award and everyone crying and applauding. ahhh i love this shit

o my god, i thought it was all rumors about salma hayek and pene cruz being lezzy on each other but lord, did you see the moment they had when salma did her bit about the movie??? beautiful. can they please add me to the picture?

well more happened but apparently i didn't write about it.

liveblogging the rebroadcast of the critics choice awards

at least i can sit up without being in pain today. i'm watching the critic's choice awards and started missing my little bloglet. so here's the films i'm glad i saw this year, and these are the ones i must see:

SAW: (not the movie)
wall-e
the curious case of benjy button
doubt
tropic thunder
the dark knight
iron man

MUST:
!!!let the right one in!!!
the wrestler
slumdog millionaire
gran turino (though i guess that's technically 2009)
frost/nixon
the reader
revolutionary road
ghost town
milk
vicky christina barcelona
the wackness

dammit! i thought the ones i'd seen would outnumber the ones i hadn't! i mean, if we count the trash i saw this year (sex and the city, the spirit, twilight, indiana jones) then it's a different story

i like how they introduced common as "common", but ludacris is "chris bridges". you do a piece of trash like CRASH, an underground sensation like hustle and flow, and some episodes of law and order svu, you're too good for your rap name. even though after hundreds of years ice t is still ice t, ice cube is still ice cube, and marky mark is still marky mark. at least in my heart. ice t was there for the roast of flavor flav on comedy central, and i think it was greg giraldo who made my favorite joke of the night, "ice t is so old the first thing he bought after he was signed was his freedom"

aww mclovin and katy perry are presenting best composers and song and they're so damn cute. i just fucking love her clothes. ooo hans zimmer and danny elfman up against each other! but of course slumdog millionaire won. this movie better be amazing or i'm going to be really pissed. man these songs are crap. i hope slumdog wins this one because the rest are trash. ok well bruce springsteen won i guess that's ok. if miley cyrus and child-abuser travolta won i would have shat my pants. o wait i did that like 15 minutes ago not on purpose. i hate being sick.

to clarify, i've never liked creepy scientologist travolta, but when his poor son died of a seizure last week, i decided hate was an appropriate emotion. as you know scientology doesn't condone medication to help people with emotional or psychological problems. i'm going to go out on a limb and assume that since travolta chose to treat his mentally handicapped son as though he had no problems, he also did not medicate him for the condition that eventually killed him. some people are sick.

on a lighter note, marisa tomei looks beautiful. how old is she? i genuinely have no idea.

i was so excited for best supporting actor, and the payoff was worth it. heath won! what a tragedy, cut down in his prime.

i love the minglecam, seeing saint angie and her buttboy go over and kiss clint eastwood made my black little heart smile.

ok i'm downloading a pirated let the right one in hooray. luckily for my sick ass it's a good day of tv (golden globes, the exquisite rock of love bus, desperate housewives?)

i think i want to see notorious in spite of myself. obviously morgan won't go with me because there are a few black actresses she arbitrarily dislikes in it :O) but maybe i can find someone else to come

awww amy adams is so damn cute. yay wall-e won best animated film!

sarah silverman was the funniest presenter, obviously. her dress was damn cute. john adams won? i thought that was supposed to have sucked and recount was supposed to have been great? whatevs.

ok anne hathaway's speech was very cute, but angelina's bitchface during it was comedy gold.

i guess i have to see slumdog millionaire.